Starting Over

Hi all, forgive me if this does not come out the way it is intended but chat rooms and general forums are not my thing. I have enjoyed looking through the site over the last few days but feel a bit of a fraud posting like this as my situation is the opposite of many.

I chose to leave an 18yr marriage and leave behind by wife and two kids. I love my kids to pieces and I love my wife, but I am not in love with her and have not been for a number of years!! Finally I took the decision to jump before drowning if you follow, and have been lambasted by all of "our" friend ever since. this really is testament to who your true friends are. Thank God for real friends.

I now find myself in the position of being bombarded with solicitors letters, Letters from the CSA, nuisance phone calls from "Our Friends" and am told that every thing I have ever put into our relationship our house our lifestyle will probably stay with her! I do feel for those people who have been cheated on and understand the attached emotions, but what is my crime apart from being true to myself. Who says the legal system is fair???

Trueblue,

i am sorry you are so troubled, but it is my opinion that love changes dramatically over the years, and the 'in love' feeling does not stay that way for long, I believe that love matures and becomes deeper and almost more familial. You and only you know how you truly feel, but what you have to ask yourself is 'will anyone else ever make you feel any happier, other than the initial short term thrill' and the enormous history of memories that you and your family have created are so vast and an enormous asset and you would have to be going somewhere pretty spectacular with your life to even remotely compare to that. Despite all that if you know that there is no remote hope of reconciliation then the best thing is to try and explain your emotions to those who matter to you, they are probably very confused by your actions and inevitably they will feel pity for your wife who in effect is left in an emotional state and with the responsbility of your home and children, the touble is in these situations that is often the parent who has been 'left' who ends up with almost all the responsibilty when in fact emotionally it is probably the parent who is leaving who is in a better emotional place to cope with the practicalities of life. Sorry if this is not helpful, I can only give you my own take on things, gathered through my own responsibilities. My husband left after ten years, we have a daughter aged ten and had a good life, he clearly still cares deeply about me when we talk, but he saw a life without reponsibility and he took it.

Good luck with your future wherever it takes you

Emalou
x

Hi Emma,

thanks for the reply, wise words indeed. I did not
intend for the post to sound flippant by any means at all, but you can only say so much in a short space. My decision to leave has troubled me for a long time as i said, and there are many other factors concerning my wifes "conduct" that influenced the position we all find ourselves in today.

You sound as though you have been through the emotional wars yourself, I can only hope you are coming out on the other side and are starting to live again.
I have seen relationships breakdown with friends and acquaintances and one thing is for certain. Emotionally there are no winners only losers.

Simon

Ps is the chat room thingy like msn?

Hello Peter
I also left my wife like you there were many reasons but most importantly my wife convinced over a long period of time that she no longer loved me and nothing i could do or say would change her feelings for myself it was a very lonely and dark time i cant express the feelings empty alone devestated they dont even begin, so i feel for your wife though i accept your reasons and perhaps it is best to end a loveless marrige in the long run.
I hope you both in time find contentment and move on and if this site can help its for all to use regardless of how we ended up here, as for the chat room its the only one ive ever used so i cant compare it sorry i will say you will find friendly supportive poeple willing to listen and help when they can so pop in and say hello
dukey