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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

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Hello

  • emma79
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25 Feb 08 #14999 by emma79
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Hi, Im Emma

Married two years ago, walked out six months ago. I have just signed the papers for my petition with my solicitor.

Things have moved so fast over the last six months. I just got the keys to my flat a couple of days ago. My soon to be ex is already having a baby with his new girlfriend but has informed me he is going to contest the divorce.

I am paying for the basic costs. It was my decision to leave so I thought that only fair. There is no chance of reconcilliation and in the last three months we have only spoken to each other about three times, but he doesn't like what I listed as unreasonable behaviour.

He says that he sees the breakdown of the marriage differently. I thought there was room for him to explain that in this process anyway, without stopping the divorce. I don't know. I can't understand why he would want to spend money, time and effort arguing when the outcome would be the same...and everything I wrote in the petition was true.

I don't know anyone else who has been through this and thought this forum would be a good starting point to start to understand why he might be acting in this way.

Hope to get to know you all in the coming months

Em x

  • gone1
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25 Feb 08 #15001 by gone1
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Hiya Emma. Good to see ya. Its common when people see the reasons in black and white and they bulk at it. He may be protesting to save face with his new partner. Who knows. Its always good to do just enough in divorce pettions and not list it all. But its done now and you just have to wait for him to contest. I hope he realises that someone that contests usualy pays? That may make him change his mind and it also gives him a way out. Best ones, Chris

  • Angel557
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25 Feb 08 #15003 by Angel557
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Hi Emma

welcome to wiki i think with UB , some people don't like reading the truth about themselves.My ex for 1 he took the petition into his works canteen slammed it on the table in front of 3 other blokes shouting lies all lies and in the next 10 mins without him realising he admitted to everything in front of the other 3 blokes.He was going to x petiton me on grounds of my UB, in the end due to costs he signed with a proviso.As you say same outcome in the end .

  • Gingerkitty
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25 Feb 08 #15010 by Gingerkitty
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Hi Emma
I have received a letter from x2b solicitors saying that he intends to file a divorce petition based on my unreasonable behaviour.
My solicitor is going to ask that Particulars be agreed beforehand so as to try and speed things up.
I have also been advised that in my Acknowledgement of Service, I can acknowledge that the marriage has irretrievably broken down and not agree to the Particulars if they are filed without my solicitor seeing them and me agreeing to them.
After all, its a means to an end and only a formality, the main fact is the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.
Maybe this is not much help in your case as you appear to have filed the Divorce Petition, but try and get your X to see some sense. I was all for cross petitioning but who wins at the end of the day - yep the solicitors!!

  • emma79
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26 Feb 08 #15047 by emma79
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Discussing what goes in it with your ex sounds like a good idea. Believe it or not he did know what was coming. I have encouraged him to write his own views on the acknowledgement of service. His experoence of the breakdown is just as important as mine and he deserves to be heard, but I think I've done the right thing.

There were other advantages to me being the petitioner. Im just more proactive and since its the P thats got to take the papers to court etc. I thought it was best coming from me. Also that way I am paying for it, which you'd think he'd jump at with a new baby on the way.

Oh well, I'll just have to wait and see what he does. Im not in contact with him at the moment since I found out from his family that he's been reading my emails (then telling me its one of my 'friends' feeding him information) Interesting eh. :o(

  • Vail
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26 Feb 08 #15049 by Vail
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Hi Emma,

It sounds as if your x doesn't want the divorce to be seen as his fault.

Try to explain to him that fault is irrelevant and him having a child with another woman is a pretty good sign that he accepts the marriage is over so what exactly does he hope to achieve by contesting the divorce?

Good luck.

  • Exasperated
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26 Feb 08 #15088 by Exasperated
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Hi Em,
Being on the receiving end of a petition for unreasonable behaviour I was bloody mad when I read the reasons, there were two sides to every story and those against me were exaggerated and I did not have the opportunity to say how my wife had contributed to the downfall of our relationship.
In the end I talked to people and accepted that it was a means to an end, in that to divorce within 2 years was either unreasonable behaviour or adultery, and as my wife wanted a quick divorce I let her have it and signed the papers with the words I do not agree to certain statements.
Now 2½years on I could have just said 2yrs seperation with consent and not accepted the blame.
Do you have a reason to want a divorce? perhaps it's the blame & acceptance of being the baddy that he is objecting to and not the fact of divorce itself? My solicitor said it would be expensive to contest and probably wouldn't get anywhere with it anyway.
Good Luck

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