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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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  • Rolyboy
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26 Feb 08 #15080 by Rolyboy
Topic started by Rolyboy
Just wondering if my situation is quite normal! I would have been married for 25 years this July, but for the last 2 years I found my wife growing distant to me. I asked her a few times if she was seeing someone else but always got replied with angry denials, all of which made me feel really paranoid. But last year someone sent me a text message saying that she had been having an affair. When pushed, she finally admitted to it, then she threatened to kill herself if I divorced her. She then had a supposed breakdown and spent 2 weeks in hospital.
I filed for divorce and have been living in the marital home since finding out about her last June.
My wife only ever worked part time and I paid all the bills, mortgage, holidays etc. Meanwhile my wife got continually in debt, which i paid off. Her last debt of £14k however she decided to try and pay off herself via Consumer Councelling. I have since carried on paying all the utility bills and mortgage etc. she tells me she can't afford to contribute, despite earning £600 - £700 per month plus £380 for working tax credit and family allowance. My daughter will be 17 in July and my son is 25 and still lives at home.
She has now finally found a place to live and has raised a mortgage of £90k which she will add to the £120k cash that I will give her, as 50% of our assets. I have also included my daughters maintenance in that figure as a lump sum until she's 18. She is still telling me that it could be up to 6 weeks until she moves, and is still not prepaired to contribute towards any of the bills. We are trying to settle out of court.
She even told me that she will be taking the tv, fridge washing machine etc. when she goes!
Am I being fair in all this? My wife still wants me to give my daughter money to go out with her boyfriend and buy clothes for her, whereas I want her to get a job.
Sorry this is a long rant but I feel like I neede to get this off my chest!

  • Exasperated
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26 Feb 08 #15084 by Exasperated
Reply from Exasperated
Hmm replied to this minutes earlier but nothing appeared.
Yes normal in that everyone's case is unique.
Although you are settling out of court, make sure you legalise what you have both agreed as she may come back for more later.
Can you afford to carry on financially as you are for the next 6 weeks? agree to set a date between you so you can both work towards it, if you are getting 50% I could live with it. Is there a pension involved?
Domestic items - agree to split 50/50 for either their current value or replacement value.
Kids ... tell me about them, I have the same problem with my sons. Give them enough money for the essentials but not enough for all life's luxuries in the hope that they will see the light and actually get a job and earn some £££'s, I have a running battle with my middle one who is with me trying to get him motivated.
Good Luck and a rant every now and again is good for the heart and spirit!

  • Rolyboy
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26 Feb 08 #15094 by Rolyboy
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The Consent Order is being drafted and I am due to see the Sol on Friday to discuss.
I can afford to carry on for the next 6 weeks but it's not just a issue about money, I dont think it fair sometimes that my wife is still spending time and nights with her man and doesn't see a problem in not sharing the costs of upkeeping the house.
Re the 50%, thats 50% of everything, including the pensions. She has a final salary pension which gives me a pension when she retires but Ive told her I dont want anything from it, just a Clean Break. Because I am staying in the house, I don't want her to pay 50% of the cost of selling, even though I plan to soon after she moves out.
Kids! My wife sees no harm in giving my daughter whatever she wants, I feel that she doesnt want to alienate her but I've tried telling her that she is doing more harm than good. I find that the most stressful part of all this, trying to encourage my daughter to be a responsible adult without her hating me because I am not giving her money at will.

  • mike62
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26 Feb 08 #15095 by mike62
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Rolyboy,
Good man you! Kids - Aaaarrrggghhh! How are we preparing them for the rigours and unforgiving nature of the real world if we continue to smother and mollycoddle them? I have exactly the same issues with my STBX and I am sure many thousands of other dads do too! Like you say, makes us into the bad guys!:angry:

Personally, i think you are being more than reasonable. I also feel your wife is rubbing your nose in it. :ohmy:Reality will prevail. VERY wise to go for a Clean Break.

All the best - take care - stay sane! :woohoo:
Mike

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