Our love faded

Hello Everyone

I have found alot of usefull advise on this site, thank you to all the people who have took the time to help people like myself and I hope someone can help me with my problem.

My wife and I have been married for nearly 30 years, but the last 6 years our love for each other has faded, we live separate lives together and sleep in separate rooms. I have always strived to work hard to provide the best for our family and I have.

In the very early years my wife decided to give up work to look after our first a baby, even though in the beginning we struggled like mad to live, she’s been a good wife and mother I would never deny her of that.

A few years ago when our children left home to make their own mark on the world, my wife got a good job, and we earned the same salary, but what really saddened me was that she got her own bank account and would only contribute £50.00 a month into the home, but I excepted it. She was my wife!

After 2 years she was sadly made redundant, but thereafter received regular work from an agency and was still able to pay the same contribution now and again. Since November 2007 my wife has worked continually, she still has her own bank account and still continues to contribute £50.00 a month, even though we both still earn the same salary.

Late last year I filed for divorce, as I could not live like this anymore, recently my solicitor requested a run down of the household living costs, which I calculated and also gave a copy to my wife, which she promptly showed to her solicitor. On her return I was told by my wife that her solicitor had said that because my wife doesn’t earn enough, she doesn’t have to contribute any more to the household bills and I have to pay for everything, just like I have been doing for most of our married life together. I even asked her what she did with her money and her sarcastic reply was “I flitter it all away”.

I’ve tried in vain to make our parting as painless as possible, and it hurts to think that she now thinks ‘what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is my own’ so to speak.

Could anyone please advise me what I can do, I’m just about keeping my own head above water as I’ve had to for years.

Thank you … Mike

Mike,

In some ways I think in your circumstances the formalising of the divorce will actually help your financial circumstances.

With such a long marriage and no kids at home any more there would seem to be no reason for the courts to deviate from a 50/50 split of the assets.

Also as you both work (and seem to have a similar earning capacity to each other) then I don't see a good reason for any maintenance to be payable.

So for you, once the divorce finances are finalised, I would expect you to walk away with half the assets, and to then have your income to yourself (i.e. you should no longer be subsidising her).