I'm taking a deep breath and am going to introduce myself ...
I left my wife about 14 months ago. Why did I do this? .. because I couldn't cope is the honest answer. My wife started a business and, understandably, had to devote a lot of time to it. I did my best to support her but eventually I felt that she had completely withdrawn from the relationship and marriage. This went on for three years and eventually I just cracked and walked out. I didn't take any belongings I just walked out into the night. I had left once before (probably as a cry for attention) but didn't have the courage to stay away on my own so I went back.
I don't know if her behaviour was unreasonable, or whether I am over-sensitive / deranged etc.
I can give you some examples ..
- I used to cook her dinner and serve it at the table as a desperate attempt to get her to talk to me but she would refuse to eat with me and carry on working at her computer. If I asked her to eat with me she would tell me that I was trying to manipulate her.
- When we were due to go on holiday she didn't come home and stayed at work so we missed the holiday. I booked a replacement holiday for the next day but she decided that she didn't want to go.
- She told me that the reason she didn't spend any time with me was because I wasn't "worth spending any time with". I think she was just pushing me away so she could clear her conscience and spend more time at work.
Basically I felt very lonely and depressed. The first time that I left her (when I came back again) I told her that I was going but she wouldn't even look up from her computer to acknowledge that I was going. I left and drove to London and then drove back home again - crap huh!
I now live on my own in a flat. The weird part is that I haven't told people that I am separated. The only people that know are my family and a couple of close friends. When people at work ask me about my wife I imply that we are still together. I think that I am ashamed that we have separated.
This is the first time that I have written about this and I think I am doing it now is because I want to move forwards.
Any thoughts, criticisms or advice will be gratefully received.
Hoe does your wife feel about the split? If she is upset and still wants to make a go of it, maybe you should try counselling, it sounds to me as though you are still in love with her but that she wasn't treating you so well.
I can relate to this. Whilst there is no doubt that it is healthy for individuals within a couple to have their own interests and do their own thing it needs to be balanced with spending some time together and enjoying each others company. Withdrawing, not communicating and leaving your partner lonely is hurtful and unreasonable.
I didn't tell a sole for at least a year, apart from my sol and the children of course. My ex had been so busy working away/doing his own thing even the neighbours didn't twig when he moved out. TBH I didn't feel the need to tell anyone and found it helped to sort things out in my own mind first. The only person who worked it out was a bloke in the shop where I went to replace the CDs my ex took with him.
Eventually when I did get around to telling family and friends we were divorcing many friends were shocked because they had thought I was single all along. I don't know why but even now, 9 years later, I don't correct people when they assume there is a Shrek.