As I sit upstairs typing this I have a very angry soon to be ex-husband sitting downstairs. It has just begun to sink in how much he loathes me.
My world ended in January when I started receiving text messages which revealed his true whereabouts when he was 'working away' and then copies of emails he had been exchanging with 'the love of his life' since 2006.
He is 55. I am 47. I am still in shock that the man I have loved so completely and have done anything and everything for during the 11 years I have been with him, can betray me so brutally.
The worst thing has been to see the tone of the messages he exchanges with this woman. It has revealed a side of him that I had no idea existed. He loves her in a way that he has never loved me and that has been really hard to accept and appreciate.
He has been trying to make me leave our home. In fact I am convinced that the this onslaught of post and messaging has been initiated by one of them to expedite my leaving. The house we occupy comes with his job and I have no rights here (well, minimal rights).
I want nothing from him. I just need time to get my life going again and it is this that has made him so very angry tonight. To the point that he has frightened me.
He wants to move on. I am apparently ruining his life. But I cannot move on until I have somewhere to go and a job to pay the bills.
I did get to the point where I felt suicidal and as a result the Dr has handed out what seems to be modern day panacea - anti-depressants. I took them for a while but hated the way they made me feel, so am not taking them any more.
Not sure what else I can tell you....I'm sorry if I have droned on for a first posting. I have been touched by your stories and heartened by the atmosphere of support here.
welcome, you must seek legal advice regarding your position in the house and get your name on all housing association waiting lists.It amy be that his employer will be able to get a court order to remove you at some point in the future so be prepared.Have you tried the Citizens Advice Bureau? they will be able to advise you on benefits and housing. With everything else that is going on you really dont need to be homeless as well.Keep in touch Harriet
I was very sad to read your post. It isn't the only said post one reads on this site, men and women who have been really let down.
It is obvious you are under a good deal of stress, and long experience teaches you that decisions made under stress are bad decisions.
So may I ask you a few preliminary questions, and when I know the answers I may be in a position to advise you better.
1. Is the house in his name alone or is it joint ?
If it is in his name you need to take action very quickly, and if need be, I will explain what that is, and the reasons why.
2. Do you have any dependent children and if so their ages and basic details.
You say you don't want anything from him. On the limited information I have here it is a virtual certainty that
you have an interest in the house. If you do not work there is a very good chance that you can get, at the very least, maintenance from him whilst you are getting on your feet and re-training for employment. You may well get spousal maintenance for longer than that, but it depends
on the circumstances and right now, I don't know enough.
Dee, it's one thing to say you want a fair settlement, and another to say you want nothing. You are entitled to something as a matter of law. He has wronged you, and should not be entitled to make things worse by leaving you on your uppers.
Dee, I have literally mean to hell and back with my marriage, but none of it was my ex's fault, it was mental illness, sheer rotten bad luck for both of us. 25 years later, we are good friends again and I have recovered. Time does heal, but in the short term divorce is rough and I know that there are many on this site, me included, who
would like to help you get through it.
Please, don't despair, you're definately not alone. I know the simplist thing is to just walk out the front door, but while that will give you a temporary sense of releif, as other posters have said, you will have a right to assets in the relationship. I'm just embarking on this jolly journey, and am in the fortunate position that neither of us loves the other, but I'm well aware that the assets and liabilities need to be split. I know it's not easy, but try and keep a logical head on your shoulders, and, very importantly, contact some old friends and let them know how you are if you haven't already done so. It doesn't matter if it's been years since you've seen them, you need a support network and your true friends will not let you down.
Have a think about the household assets. Pensions, savings, investments, equity in the house, cars, and jot down their value as at the date of separation - I think this is important as it means your husband can't blow a trip to Rio on a credit card and then have you stumped with half the bill when it comes to the legal stuff (although I'm prepared to be corrected on this).
Try not to be too sad, you're in an unpleasant situation but, small consolation it may appear at the moment, you are in a position to take control of the rest of your life, and at 47 the world is still very much your oyster (excuse the bad cliche).