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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

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  • DeeH
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  • New Member
06 Mar 08 #15948 by DeeH
Topic started by DeeH
I just wanted to say thank you to you both for taking the time to respond.

With regard to specific questions, the house belongs to the MOD. My husband is an RAF Officer. He has to be married to be allocated such a house but my name does not appear anywhere as far as I can ascertain.

I understand that I have a period of 93 days to vacate the property once papers are served on me. So far nothing formal has been initiated as I think my husband was hoping I would just leave. I have spoken to the Joint Services Housing Association and they are sending me information through the post. I also have a website to explore.

I have just completed the forms to file for divorce. I have been sitting like a rabbit caught in headlights for the last 2 months waiting for him to decide what is going to happen to me. The time has come for me to take back some control over my life. I am capable of working. I always did work until we married - I only stopped because his postings made it difficult to persuade potential employers that I was a good option!

I am sickened by the way he has treated me and the children. He has two children who are in their late 20's. He left his first wife and the children long before I met him. The woman he left them for apparently dumped him when she found out he was cheating on her (that is hearsay. However, the woman it is alleged he was cheating with is the same woman he is seeing again now. He has apparently loved her since 1993. We were married in 1995. I have seen an email where he frankly confesses that I am comfortable to be with and that he 'will settle for that'.

It sure makes a girl feel good about herself!

He has been in touch with this woman throughout our marriage although I can only prove adultery from February last year.

I have a 21 year old daughter from a previous marriage. Her father was a serial philanderer too (as was my father). I think it's perhaps time I sought some kind of counselling as I seem to be attracted to men who share a common trait. Perhaps I get off somehow on playing the victim?

We have no children of the marriage and none of the grown children live with us. They are all independent.

One of his grouses about me to his lady friend is that I am a drain on his finances, which I find hurtful and unfair. The only reason I have found it difficult to work is because we have moved 3 times in the last 5 years. It is for this reason that I do truly mean it when I say I want nothing from him. I don't want him saying mean things about me taking his money. I am more than capable of providing for myself. It's just that it isn't going to happen overnight.

He is livid that I am refusing to leave this house. This morning, after he had gone to work, I discovered that whole sections of the house are now closed off to me. He has locked doors and removed the keys. That seems remarkably childish but it has strengthened my resolve to look forward rather than back and work my way through this in the best way for me - without allowing him to intimidate and bully me.

These sound such brave words....my little heart is pounding as I write them and I feel sick to the stomach.

I appreciate that there is a temptation to rewrite history when I look back but I can now see that there has been a lot of control and bullying in the past. He has been very controlling about money and my friends. It was my daughter who pointed this out to me and now she has drawn my attention to it I can see what she means!

I offer thanks that I have found such a supportive community. If I talk to my friends (most of whom have not liked my husband) I get support but it is also very one sided!! My brothers just want to offer physical violence!! I am so grateful to have the opportunity to dump thoughts and feelings here and know that you will understand the maelstrom of emotions.


  • LittleMrMike
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06 Mar 08 #15949 by LittleMrMike
Reply from LittleMrMike

Your husband is an RAF officer. That means he will have a pension. You know you can make a claim on that, don't you ? That is going to matter 13 years + down the line.

What I said about spousal maintenance still seems valid. You should, at the very least, get it for a time. Perhaps longer than that.

You should be entitled to legal aid. If I were you, I would see an experienced family solicitor, who handles legal aid work, and who will make sure you get what you're entitled to.

Mike 100468

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