How did it come to this?

I have been married for 25 years with two grown up girls who have both flown the nest and are building their own lives away from home.

Whilst our marriage hasn't been perfect I believed that it would last and we had been planning our future life together. We bought a house in Spain and planned to move there in a few years time to get away from the 'rat race'.

Maybe things were just a little too comfortable and things were taken for granted. Maybe I was blinkered about what was happening. Maybe it's made us realise that now the girls have left we have very little in common.

Christmas wasn't a particularly pleasant period and things have got progressively worse since then with no 'talking sensibly' being done.

We came close to this last year but I wanted to make a go of it and things were good for a time. It would now appear that the effort being made was all one way and my wife had very little intention of trying. She insists she has had enough and wants out of our marriage and she doesn’t want me in her life. Many heated arguments ensued where I was trying to find a way to move forward and all she wanted to do was tell me how bad her life had been with me, something I find hard to accept.

I eventually got my head around this and want to move on but there comes the rub.

After insisting she wanted out she has now buried her head in the sand and is refusing to talk to me, let alone do anything constructive about ending our relationship.

I was hoping we could arrange an amicable separation and split up our assets so we could both start a new life and get a divorce later based on 2 years separation.

We had the house valued and she looked at several properties but is now insisting she won’t sign to put the house on the market and is unwilling to discuss any options I put forward to sort out the finances.

Despite everything I am keen to ensure she comes out of this financially sound. I have been to see a solicitor to see what options I have to start progressing things. It would appear that unless one or other of us take the Unreasonable Behavior route there is very little I can do to get any sort of Separation Agreement in place if my wife doesn’t want to play ball. I could move out and rent for a while, which is looking quite attractive at this point, but financially isn’t that viable.

I still can’t quite comprehend why this is happening the way it is but am frustrated that having got to this point we are in a stalemate situation.

Sorry it’s a bit long winded but it feels good to get it off my chest and realise I am not alone.

Hello Skip

Wellcome to the site and your quite right your not alnone there are more than ten thousand of us now, sounds as though you have both just run out of steam its very sad after 25 years is there no hope?.

Divorce is the very last resort

If you do decide you have explored all options and divorce is the answer then you are quite right 2 year seperation or UB there are no other options.

I do hope you both try again and make that that 25 years go on and on.

Whatever you both decide i wish you well.

dukey

Hi Skip-I have been astounded to see how many of us long termers there are around-I have been married nearly 27 yrs-you don't even get that long for murder do you?

I suppose we have to try very hard not to look back + see all those years as a waste of time. My kids have all grown + flown. I thought we would be able to enjoy some selfish time. My husband had the same idea unfortunately he didn't want that time to be with me!

Perhaps it's because the children aren't around to distract us?

I hope it works out ok for you.

DL

My H left after 30yrs is having an affair and still head in the sand.
It seems now he has decided he wants it to just be that way. As your finding out it's a long hard road maybe she didn't realise this. Money and life are just not the same.
Maybe she is taking her time to come to terms with it, but you need to talk. Have you tried relate etc. they are not just about keeping couples together.

Thanks for the support guys.

I've tried to pursue the counselling route with or without me but there was a flat refusal.

Was going to try and break the ice again this weekend but unfortunately she has gone away for the weekend (not sure where or with who).

Hi everyone

I am feeling very trapped. My husband (of 7 years) and I are at the end of the road. We have been to marriage counselling, but he stated that it was me who had the problem and so he was not particularly forthcoming at the sessions. Anyway, to cut a long story short, we discussed separating about a month ago. The next day, he begged me to give him another chance. Since then I have been feeling trapped. I can afford the bills (just about) but have no idea what he will be entitled to. We have two children aged 5 and 3, so I am keen to keep things as amicable as possible for their sakes. I feel like I am going mad. He is sleeping on the sofa and today, I have been feeling like I am going to explode. He has no family or friends nearby, so cannot go to a friends house. I am worried that I may lose my house as I would like to keep things stable for the kids. Can anyone offer any suggestions. I am going to see a solicitor on Friday for legal advice, but what about emotional advice, he is obviously clinging on for dear life