What a great site this is, and nice to know that you are not alone. My husband left nearly three years ago after 27 years, to live with another woman. I got the Decree Nisi last June but he wont agree any financial proposals sent to him by my solicitor. He is paying bills and the mortgage and I pay for everything else. I am in that usual situation with the joint bank account, therefore joint debts. I have a solicitor but he refuses to use one, so I am paying the solicitors fees. We are now corresponding via email so hoping to come to some sort of agreement between ourselves.
It seems so strange that I suddenly became unimportant to him after so many years of bringing up his children and standing by him and being loyal. The good news is that I dont miss him any more and am finally ready to move on as a single lady, and enjoy myself.
Your right on both counts, this site is excellent and you will have plenty of friends.
Looks like your X wants to remain status quo and no amount of corresponding will solve this drawn out situation. If you really wanting to move on then you must force the issue. One way to do this is via ancillary relief procedure via the courts. This will definetly focus your husband on your needs to move on and live the rest of your life. After such a long marriage it shuld be a 50/50 split. See the resources guide on AR.
Yes, you are right, he does seems to want to keep things as they are, but I dont feel I can move on until we get the Decree Absolute. It is tempting to go to court but I hear that the cost is very high, so hoping to avoid that. The main worry is the bank loans which will be taken from the pot, so the sooner we sort this out the better. It is so frustrating!
Also, a Decree Absolute can be pronounced before finances are agreed but a Decree Absolute has important financial consequences, e.g. the loss of widow(er)’s pension rights and it may therefore not be advisable to apply for a Decree Absolute until financial matters are concluded.
Assuming that you went for a two year separation and you have now been apart for three years.
Have you considered this? or had legal advice on it ?
Thank you so much for the info. I filed for divorce for his adultery and got nisi, then things drew to a halt. We have a heavy mortgage to pay off, which is the main worry, as I may not end up with enough to buy another suitable property. My solicitor is great and being tough on my behalf. So I am staying put in the marital home for the moment and hoping for the best!