Hi to everyone
Just found this forum & hopefully I can get a few answers to my problems.
Right, here goes (this is a short, condensed version of a very long story!!!)
I was married to a man who did nothing but drink, buy expensive gadgets & get into debt. Eventually I could take no more & I threw him out, within hours he’d cleaned out the bank account leaving me with nothing! The house is in joint names although I paid every bill from the mortgage to food & he paid nothing, we also have a teenage child who he does nothing for! Unfortunately I was under this misconception that getting a divorce & sorting out financial matters would be much easier than this. I offered him a lump sum, got the house valued, arranged a re-mortgage, paid all fees etc. everything was in place and all he had to do was sign the house over to me and take the money but although he was happy to take the money, he refused to sign the house over to me! Now he is demanding that I pay him a HUGE amount of money & he is trying to divorce me for ‘unreasonable behaviour’ which I feel is totally unfair.
He contributed & paid for nothing during the time we were married & now we’re separated I still get nothing from him, yet apparently he is entitled to half of the house plus other various assets!! I believe that he is trying to financially cripple me (all the bills, mortgage, solicitor’s costs etc.) & I feel powerless to stop him. He went back home to his parents, has a good job & no outlay as such, his earnings are his own to do as he pleases, yet I have to scrimp & save to pay all the bills!
Does anyone out there have any suggestions????????????
Ouch! First thing is don't worry, Welcome to Wikivorce. There are a lot of people in very similar circumstances to yourself and there are a lot of people willing to help and support you through this mess.
Secondly, has he actually started proceedings against you - Have you been issued with a divorce petition? If not, get in there first and issue against him. You need your marriage certificate.
His behaviour is completely unreasonable and you have nothing to fear from the process.
Thirdly, he has financial obligations to your child and to you. Whether or not he likes it. He is obliged to pay you 15% of his nett income as child support for your teenager.
The finances all go into a melting pot and the personal debts he has incurred go with him in the division of assets. The fact that he has left you with your child means that he is likeley to get less than 50% of the asset pot, as you and your child also have needs.
You need to post a bit more information about the finances for someone to give you a reasonable stab at what is a reasonable settlement. Namely:
Debts (personal / Marital)
Assets over £500
Pensions (his / yours)
Age of child
Details of the lump sum already paid to him
Details of your expenditure to achieve lump sum
Whatever else, don't worry yourself. THe law is there to protect you. It will all work out in the end.
Take care of yourself and don't get too stressed. He is obviously a loser that isn't worth wasting so much emotional energy on.
Thank you for welcoming me into the forum.
God, how stressful is this divorce thing!
In answer to the questions posed by Mike62
My income is around £11k (including WFTC). His income is around £30k (although when I tried to get maintenance he produced a few payslips stating that he only earned £150 per week take home...!!!)
The house is valued at £150k
Outstanding mortgage is about £50k
Debts: He left me with a mountain of unpaid bills that I was unaware of until the debt collectors started calling (credit cards, loans, etc.) as the outstanding amounts were in joint names I was forced to take out a personal loan in order to pay them and stop court proceedings.
I have very few assets apart from the house & my car, (he took the car, motorbike, computers, electronic gadgets etc. note: all of which he denied ever existed!)
There are no pensions (that I know of)
Our daughter is 14 years old.
Although I re-mortgaged, got a letter of offer & offered him a lump sum, I didn't actually pay him anything because he refused to sign the house over to me (I'm not as stupid as he states I am )
Does this help?
Ok, so you have met the boys, I thought I would introduce myself as one of the girls.
I am Sarah and one of the queens of the chat room, as well as adding my twopenneth worth on the forums.
As you seem to be more than aware, this divorce stuff is really stressful. Why not come and join us in the chat room for a bit of light relief; a very friendly, funny bunch of people who are all going through variations of yourself.
We have our serious moments and we have our fun times, both of which we all need during this time.
I am sure a few of the newer members will tell you they were a bit scared to come into the chat room but once there they were put at ease and soon felt like part of the wiki family.
Anyway, take care and hope to see you in the chatroom sometime soon.