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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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Intro from a newbie... confused on what to do next

  • Nuttiebird
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11 Mar 08 #16498 by Nuttiebird
Topic started by Nuttiebird
Very new to this site and have been having a good nose around (sorry all).

Am in somewhat confused state of affairs (Ha the irony!) Married for 24yrs with 17yr old daughter who will be off to uni soon (hopefully) Have recently had confirmation that s2bx is now on his 3rd affair in 4 yrs - and quite frankly have had enough. To go with the humiliation etc etc that this causes am now in angry mode and, to be quite frank, i just want rid! I confronted him and he just caved in - though the only thing he has said is 'she means nothing' to me. I have in effect been total housekeeper for around 10 yrs - and we have been in separate rooms for 5 of those - originally due to genuine back problems. He is a controlling bully who has done nothing for years but put me down - often publicly. Am I best to go for adultery or can I go for mental cruelty..... I cannot tolerate this anymore and have told him I am moving out - the agreement is to sell the house asap. He has v good job with excellent pension rights while I have lesser and poor pension.... Advice welcome:unsure:

  • Tinny
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11 Mar 08 #16499 by Tinny
Reply from Tinny
Hi there.

I havent much time now but I wonder about the logic of you moving out. You would have more rights if you stayed. maybe someone can give more detailed advice.

In saying all og that I left but in my circumstances I thought it was the fair thing to do. Why would you move and not he?? Your agreement is only verbal, you have nothing in writing.

Take care
Tinny

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11 Mar 08 #16500 by Tinny
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Oh dear....the spelling wasnt too good. I hope you can understand my ramblings.
Tinny

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11 Mar 08 #16511 by Nuttiebird
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S'ok Tinny - I got it.... main thing I am bothered about is my daughter... Very good head on shoulders. Most of the time she has great rel with her Dad but I know that if she came with me he would be a b**&*^% with her. If she stayed with him she would still have great rel with me.... we do get on v well.... I would be happy with this (i think) as it would give her best of both worlds. TBQH I just want out of this as quickly as possible. I want to move on with my life while I am still young enough to enjoy it!!!

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11 Mar 08 #16520 by Tinny
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I can understand you wanting out. I hope your relationship with your daughter is good. I thought my relationship with my kids was rock solid too but that changed when their dad changed parenting styles, in his words "I am never cross with them now and drop everything for them". I have had very bad "press" (if you knew the whole story you would realise the irony in that statement) at his and his in laws hands.

Think things through very carefully, get advice here and wherever you can get it. Things however do not go according to plan.

I hope things work out for you.

Tinny

  • Donnylass
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11 Mar 08 #16521 by Donnylass
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Hi there,
I'm in a similar situation as recently started divorce proceedings against my 'man'. I have been told by solicitor to stick where I am + under no circumstances move out. I seem to be made of stronger stuff than my stbx as he is the one who now keeps away from the house! Suits me!
Keep your chin up.
DL;)

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11 Mar 08 #16526 by 80SGIRLWOKEUP
Reply from 80SGIRLWOKEUP
Hi
i would also strongly recommend that you stay in the family home. The divorce process can be long and tedious, and very stressful. It is important that you maintain normality for your daughter,and I am sure this would be very difficult if you left. You need to go and speak to Solicitor and get advice.
Also remember that once you start process things could get very ugly with your ex, your bills, your car, your holidays your lifestyle may be affected.
My ex controlled all purse strings and I am having to fight for everything, prepare yourself for a long slogg!!
Good Luck
80s

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