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Hello am new and confused

  • AliBaBa
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14 Mar 08 #16773 by AliBaBa
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Hi there

My story is long and could go on for annecdotes of husbands behaviour. Been together for 7 years, and have a 4 year old little girl. My husband has been helping ~(?) a young girl through some problems at home for last twelve months now. He met her through work and he is one of those people who likes to help so thought nothing of it until it became intrusive. Texting all day, phone calls all day, I'd go out and she would be there when I got back etc. Then he started lying to meet her as I objected. I threatened to leave him and promised to put end to friendship. I married him believing it was all over and then the lies, disappearing acts, etc started again. Anyway I had no way of prooving he was still in touch with her until his phone bill arrived and I found he had been sending up to 50 texts a day to her. I confronted him and he said it would stop but again he would still disappear at drop of a hat and be gone for hours. Recently he had a holiday on his own which I reluctantly agreed with as he swore girl wasn't going, but guess what I have just discovered? She was with him. He claims nothing is happening sexually - there is 31 years between them so I hope not. It is the lies that have hurt me most. He now claims he loves me but is not in love with me and wants his freedom - not responsibility and children. Little girl is greatly affected by his lies and sobs whenever he goes out thinking he isn't coming back.

I want to move on now. Have had enough but he keeps changing his mind what he wants. I am worn out by it all.

This place helps. nice to realise you're not alone.

  • puddle
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14 Mar 08 #16777 by puddle
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Hello...I'm new too! :)

I just wanted to say you are not alone. My husband had numerous affairs, but he is the most talented liar I've ever met. I've had times where I thought I was mad and imagining it all....but unfortunately he cant keep his own secrets when he is drunk and stupidly conducted his affairs practically on our doorstep.
My heart does go out to you.

I'm on my own with my daughter now. I surprise myself daily that I'm coping and she is my inspiration. I never thought I'd cope if we split up so I stayed longer than I should...but you do cope and once my husband was not in my home things were alot easier.
My daughter was very upset but as she gets older she understands more. She's 9yrs old and he treats her like a toy...but she is starting to see through him. I try to say your Dad is good with computers and fun to be around...he's just not good at being a Daddy but it doesn't mean he doesnt love you. It's been a long journey but she actually said for the first time last week she is happier now and doesn't want me to go back to her Dad.

  • phoenix1
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14 Mar 08 #16791 by phoenix1
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Welcome to Wiki, and I am sorry you are here but now you are you will met a lot of people who are in the same boat as you and can help your on this journey.
In regards to your story, my wife also said she loved me but isn't in love with me, and you will learn that it makes no difference about what he tells you it's all about how you feel.
In my opinion has he cheated on you? I think, yes, cheaters will always swear blind nothing is going on but in your heart you know the truth and in time it will come out, it did for me.

You deserve better than,as does your little girl and in your last line you say ''he keeps changing his mind what he wants'' Make his mind up for him!! Leave him, he is a lying cheating scumbag who will never change and he has even proved this after telling you it was all over and then he still carried on seeing her.

Yes it may seem like the end of the world and yes you may still love him but think about yourself and your little girl, get him out of your life and get on with yours once more.
You will survive this I promise you

Take care and good luck

  • AliBaBa
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14 Mar 08 #16803 by AliBaBa
Reply from AliBaBa
Thank you so much. I have made my mind up really. Gut instinct tells me to get out and run. He can hurt me all he wants but I will not allow him to hurt our little girl anymore. It isn't fare. She will grom up believing this is how you are meant to be treated in life and relationships - I have to show her it is not the way and you should have more respect in yourself. Or she will think it is okay to lie if you can do what you want and teenage years will be a nightmare then.

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