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Dragging on

  • john235
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16 Mar 08 #16925 by john235
Topic started by john235
Hi, I am nearly a year into a separation and still trapped by the circumstances. My wife had a very brief affair after starting a new job, which hurt terribly, we have been together for 27 years but the affair was something I was willing to forgive if it meant we could repair our relationship, unfortunately she decided she no longer felt the same about me anymore and wanted to relive her youth and go her own way. We talked and talked, I went to counselling but she would not come, I should have known at that stage that I was wasting my time but she would just say she needed time to see if the feelings for me would come back. After nine months, with me feeling that nothing I did would ever be enough and watching her do some very uncaring things she said she didn't want to try anymore (not sure what positive things she thought she had been trying :huh:). We are now in a situation where we are still living,eating,sleeping together but trying to organize a civilized split. We have a large house to sell that is being extended by me because that was what she wanted at that time, so now I am trying to just keep going with it and think of it as a property venture that will ultimately benefit all of us inc my three kids, otherwise we will both suffer financially as well as facing a huge drop in living standards. I can't afford to buy her out and the kids want to come with me, I am happy with that but it is a real challenge on my own and I know that maybe in time they will stop blaming her and I don't want it to be a form of punishment to her. We talked about moving into a new house together, before I then moved on with my share of the original property, but most people I talk to seem to think that is just her way of getting the practical things done for her and that I am being used, I can see this, but if I don't help am I punishing the children too? A bit of me wants to keep the relationship alive even on some level despite knowing that she has been so selfish and uncaring not just to me but also to the children.
Until the children are finished school I think I will have to stay in the same area so that we can share care, even though that involves a long commute and not the Clean Break I would like. So wish I could press the fast forward button and get my life going again even though thats scary at 45 having been with one person for so long.
Also wish I had found this board ayear ago.

  • gorgeous
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16 Mar 08 #16941 by gorgeous
Reply from gorgeous
Hiya dont know if i can be much help as like your wife :Si think i just grew apart from husband.Unlike u he didnt want to face it wudnt do anything to improve the situation yet says he did. Sometimes I think you have to be brave and say to urself if the other person wont do anythin and uve tried everythin then u have to move on. Thats wat ive just dun been married 17 yrs with him for 8 b4 then. So so hard.
Take care u have 3 gorgeous kids to love - that helps me.

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