I am 45 life seems over,wife said we grew apart and I know we did,However the simple safe life I once had has ended,
Feel like dieing,cant eat sleep is hard,going to lose house,
and wind up buried in bills,I s there a light at the end of this tunnal,or is it the true end of me,hell on earth,The pain ripes your heart right out,cant even think clearly,
This is my cry for help,Yet I have no one
my name is mike from usa
Please note, although no boardcode and smiley buttons are shown, they are still useable
Fistly, you are another Mike. You are doomed in relationships. Look around you and see how many Mikes are lingering here.
Secondly, life is NOT over. The old life is coming to an end, and a new one is about to begin. A different one. One where you are at the forefront and making the decisions, and learning from where the old life went wrong.
Thirdly, you are not destitute, you have not endured years of abuse, you have 20 years to create your retirement.
A bit harsh? Yes. But you need to put things into perspective Mike.
Yes it hurts like hell
Yes you feel like crap
Yes you can't see a future at the moment
Yes, it completely envelopes your life and thinking
It will get better. It will take time. It will take positive thinking. It will require you to look very deep inside to find the old you - the you that could smile and laugh and be spontaneously happy. Until you find the old you and like the new you it is a dark time.
But read some of the blogs on here and put your own circumstances into perspective. Yours does not seem such an awful story. Sad, unhappy, heartwrenching and miserable for you, but in the scheme of things, not so bad.
Try to find the positive in things. Easy to say, very hard to do. Be strong and be hard on yourself. Kick yourself up the ass if you find yourself feeling sorry for yourself. Force yourself to plan forwards. Get the finances into a structure. You will gradually find that the pain lessens. It doesn't go away. I'm 13 months in and still feel it. But it has subsided and I can look beyond today, tommorrow and next week and next month.
You will get there. THe light at the end of the tunnel is around one of the many corners that you will encounter. The emotional pendulum will swing wildly at first, giving you extreme highs and crushing lows. But it softens with time.
Be good to yourself, but be hard with yourself Mike. You can do it and you will.
Take care and write all your feelings down. If you feel up to it - post them as a blog. It is good to look back weeks and months later and see how your perspective changes with time. Time is the healer Mike. Use it wisely. Take care
Thamk you all for responding,I always thought I was this macho guy,When really I am a caring softy,I hurt .Feel pain
and first time since a kid,I CRYED,Was on the verge of giving up on life,dont know what stopped me,I have to become stroger person I think?
Yet another one of these Mikes ! My wife is also from the USA, but the one thing that life has taught me is that you need to look forward, not back, and rebuild your life. This is not easy, especially after going through divorce, but I am a testimony to the fact that it can be done. My first wife was schizophrenic and if you can survive THAT, well, you can survive anything. It will take time, but there will be no shortage of support from here.
What is so wrong with being a caring softy that cries? Better to be the macho guy that bottles it all up and eventually explodes? Or loses his marbles completely? Who is the better adjusted person? One who deals with his emotions, or one who sets himself up for a fall in the future? There is so much to live for Mike. One day you will find a new happiness in life. But although fate deals our cards, it is up to us how we play them.
You need to learn about yourself, to understand what makes you tick. Then when you know yourself, you are ready to go and build that new life. To live some of your forgotten dreams.
The pressures of modern society are such that we stick our heads up our backsides and focus on providing the best we can, keeping up with the neighbours, providing our kids with things our parents could not afford to do. We put ourselves under immense pressure to deliver and lose sight of our relationships with our partner and sometimes our children. We forget what is important. We forget to feed and nurture our relationships. Over time that is like an incipient cancer, eating away at the love that was once there, until eventually one or other in the relationship simply draws a line. We don't see it coming. When it does, it is like a frying pan in the face. It hurts. Sometimes, there is a willingness to try to repair things. But sadly not always.
But it is not the end. We should take the postivies and negatives we learned into our futures and learn from those mistakes we made.
Nobody says it is easy. But every day, little steps. Inching towards that day when we can confidently say that we are over it. For some it is a matter of weeks, for may it is years. But we get there.
You will too,
ps - go read this and see what you think - gets me every time:
I understand how you feel Mike. Its very raw when it first happens, but you will feel better soon, I can promise you that.
I felt exactly the same as you do 2 months ago, & although im still not happy about the situation I feel so much better & more able to cope than I did back then.
The key is to keep busy I think & dont give yourself time to dwell on things.