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Frustrated by 1 rule for me 1 rule for ex-wife

  • ex=why?
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19 Mar 08 #17192 by ex=why?
Topic started by ex=why?
Hello All,

Swift intro: married 9 years to a woman with severe PMT and an obsession that she had AID's both of which she refused to seek medical advice/test for. Then she told me that she wished she'd left the marriage for a guy she had an affair with before we got married, and she stated I was selfish going to the gym 3 times a week - on my way to work at 7am - to exercise a slipped disc. Two fabulous children who I love and adore more than life itself, however I left the marriage because I met a beautiful woman who showed me what love truly meant and I couldn't take the ex's weirdness and total lack of love anymore - although she has claimed to all and sundry that its been my fault and, now we are separated, I "give her no money". My £1200 S/O from my bank to hers says different. NONE of our former friends will talk to me or even bear witness to my story!! SHE IS A CONTROL FREAK. She continues to state I must abide by her Solicotors rantings while she does the total opposite because it suits her. Anyone else still suffering from major control even though you are out of the marriage?

  • Tinny
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19 Mar 08 #17204 by Tinny
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Hi Ex
To answer your question:

Anyone else still suffering from major control even though you are out of the marriage? YES

She said you were selfish - SNAP only in my case the gender changes.

Two fabulous children who I love and adore - SNAP

I left the marriage because I met a beautiful woman - In my case MAN.

I couldn't take the ex's weirdness and total lack of love anymore - SNAP

has claimed to all and sundry that its been my fault and, now we are separated - SNAP

I "give her/him no money". My £1200/£1000 S/O from my bank to hers says different. - SNAP

NONE of our former friends will talk to me or even bear witness to my story!! - SNAP

SHE/HE IS A CONTROL FREAK. - SNAP

She continues to state I must abide by her Solicotors rantings while she does the total opposite because it suits her - In my case I need to abide by his decisions.

Too many similarities in our stories and Im sure you have more to say as I have.

Do you find that her control tactics change if she thinks things are going too well for you. Mine did at the weekend and I think he enjoys the idea of some type of punishment.

Hope this made sense. I thought it easier to copy and paste your post to echo the similarities.

You'll get useful advice here. Take care.
Tinny

  • megan
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19 Mar 08 #17214 by megan
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Sorry to sound bitter you two but if you were so unhappy why not leave the relationship first. It seems the unhappiness appears when another person comes on the scene. Why not end one relationship before starting another?

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19 Mar 08 #17216 by Ephelia
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If only life were so simple....

You're right ending one relationship before starting another would be the best way to do things but it's maybe unfair to judge people who don't live such neat lives, as we can't know the whole story behind why people didn't act in the ideal way.

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19 Mar 08 #17225 by Tinny
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Megan
I could give you the full story but it would take days. Its totaly unfair to judge anyone especially the original poster unless you know the full story but unfortunately that isnt possible on a board like this.

Yes affairs are wrong and believe me I was completly faithful for about 18 years. Its a pity someone hadnt told my Ex about fidelity (I caught him in the act, sort of forgave him), or respect of your wife, or love, or fairness, or anger management, etc etc etc. I didnt set out to have an affair but was supported through a great deal of emotional unrest to discover that my marriage was not how it should be. How dare you blame me.

I always try to see things from all points of view on this board. I expect the same respect from others.

Tinny

  • zozo
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19 Mar 08 #17234 by zozo
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Hi Megan
I do appreciate your opinion on this. Ending a relationship befor starting anotherone is so much beter. That is becouse it is very much sefer choice when you are in imotinally stable. The possibility of falling with another bad choice in this situation is high and you need time to judge thinks and people properly and I do not think we are able to do so when we are in the mide of the trouble. I do advice every body to give themselves enough time to sattle befor starting a new relatioship. The point is that you do not want to west more of your life and I believe that living in the hell once is more than enough.
Tak care and good luck everybody
zozo

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25 Mar 08 #17618 by ex=why?
Reply from ex=why?
Thanks for all the comments from my original posting. Absolutely having an affair is wrong - and I fully recognise it. That being said please read my original posting; my Ex refused to do simple things that would have helped our marriage - and I mean simple. Plus she also told me that she had seriously contemplated leaving me, during the marriage, for a man she had previously had an affair with (she was with him just as we started dating, not while we were married, but she still insisted he came to our wedding and he was married at the time; yes I am still hung up on that :angry:)
I am frustrated now beacuse absolutely no-one hears my side, and the unnecessary control she wields and continues to wield could one day affect our children: and that truly scares me

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