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working woman with kid

  • silversmith
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21 Mar 08 #17325 by silversmith
Topic started by silversmith
Is there anyone out there in my situation? A rather long marriage, 13 years, most of that time I've been the main breadwinner because husband didn't want to work. I paid all of the mortgage and bills but was nice to him and put the house in both our names. When the child was born I officially made him the main carer so that he could get at least some pension in future. He did care for the child a bit, but never any housework, doing nothing for the house or the garden. He helped me with my own work, but could not hold any job I tried to get him through inability to turn up at the right time. So now he found another woman and moved out. I am stuck here with a kid and a full-time job and a fear of losing the house. Girls, is there anyone a bit like me?!!!!!

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21 Mar 08 #17331 by _lala_
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Similar situation here tho not identical - married for 22 years, breadwinner and main carer ditto. However he has always had lowly paid jobs always initiated by me and for the last 7 years we have been in accommodation tied to his work. Last month he decided that we have 'grown apart' and wants me out and back in our own mortgaged house with our child. He denies that there is anyone else but I am faced with leaving my home here in two months and completely echo your penultimate sentence! May be we could share notes, advice, etc?

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21 Mar 08 #17334 by silversmith
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Seems a bit similar, although I didn't quite get your house situation. Are you saying you do have somewhere else to move out to? And will he able to afford to live on his own?

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21 Mar 08 #17335 by Pundit
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There are some parallels between your situation and mine - the differences being that we don't have a child, it was a shorter marriage, and I wasn't kind enough to put my house into joint names...

It's maddening when it seems like all the support you've given is being thrown back in your face, isn't it?

I too could also lose my home, but I'm OK with moving - this house has too many memories in it anyway. I'd rather not in the near future, but if it comes to it, I will.

I found being the female breadwinner a thankless task - I was still expected to be the housewife too, but with an added layer of resentment that I was "un-manning" my husband by earning more than him :SI think gender equality has a way to go yet!

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21 Mar 08 #17343 by silversmith
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I so agree with you last paragraph. This is exactly what happened to me. I am now being blamed for un-manning him and also exploiting him (because he helped me in my work). But this help was the only thing I could get back from a person who thinks that housework is beneath him and that he could not possibly take on a job that would be at a lower level than mine. I was actually absolutely OK with being the main breadwinner, but he obviously wasn't. I am definitely looking for a rich man next time round, or perhaps for a woman. No more male losers for me.

Without kids, of course, it should be easier to move on. I would be happy to move into a smaller house, but I don't think I will be able to cope without a live-in au pair. Not if I want to go on with my career. And my career at the moment is my only salvation.

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21 Mar 08 #17385 by chester
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i don't have kids but earned a lot more which my hubby liked to spend. He has now left and looked around and said money and material things don't matter. But it was him who wanted 42 inch plasma, motorbike, house in spain. He has walked away and left me to deal with everything ? very confused?

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