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dazed and confused

  • bruno
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24 Mar 08 #17568 by bruno
Topic started by bruno
hi everyone/anyone,
first time, nervous, just need get this out of my head somehow. been married 21 years 3 great kids 19,16,14 cant take anymore.this is probably the biggest decision i have ever had to make, lifes to short.feel guilty (is it my fault?) what about the kids?(love them so much)both worked hard throughout marriage, both been faithful,nice house. reasonable income, its not a marriage just an existance,is this a midlife crisis?what do i want?
nearly divorced last year, did we? was it a bluff? mind games? who knows?single life seems so attractive, no it doesnt, i need someone to love me , i need someone to appreciate me, i want a relationshlp, i want that feeling again, where i would do anything for that special person.
what about the house? will i get half? do i care? so many questions and no answers. thanks for listening if theres anyone there. i feel better any way.

  • PMW
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24 Mar 08 #17572 by PMW
Reply from PMW

Don't do it unless you've got a really good reason.

Go to counseling, suggest your wife comes too. Only after you've both explored everything, been totally open with each other and you still feel the same, then perhaps.

Good luck!

  • cinderella
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24 Mar 08 #17573 by cinderella
Reply from cinderella
Hi, been browsing here for a while but finally had to register to say I know EXACTLY how you feel.

Been trying for a few years to make things better but it just isn't happening and I know I can't be happy here so we're planning to separate as soon as we can sort finances out. Like you say - life's too short.

I too worry about the kids (9 & 14) but I really believe that the role models we are currently being will be more damaging long term that the separation will be in the short term. I hope to God I'm right.

It's my choice and what I want but still SO scary because it's such an unknown.

For me there was a definite defining moment that I have NEVER wavered from. Upto that point I ummmed & arred & had myself in bits. So if your not sure it's not right. I truly believe this is the only way i can move forward.

Look froward to lots of help from this site. We're planning mediation so I'll be heading over there soon.

Good luck!!

  • bruno
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24 Mar 08 #17574 by bruno
Reply from bruno
cheers cindy, its great to be able to share feelings / emotions whatever they are with someone/everyone. life is to short! if i live as long as my father i`ve got another 25 years, longer than i`ve been married. this is stage 3 of my life, done the growing up bit,done the marriage bit, going to do the enjoying bit!!! hope you find what you are looking for. enjoy the rest of your life.

  • bruno
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24 Mar 08 #17575 by bruno
Reply from bruno
cant stop. made my mind up. lifes to short!!!! thanks anyway

  • Ephelia
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25 Mar 08 #17587 by Ephelia
Reply from Ephelia
I'm not here to say stop - I too think life is too short to remain in a relationship if, after to trying to make things better, you're very unhappy. I've no idea what your circumstances are, so I'm not making a judgment on your decision just offering my view on the practical consequences.

Like everything in life divorce needs careful preparation in order to ensure the least hurt and distress to all involved. How does your wife feel? Does she still love you? If you once loved her then you surely want to help her through this painful process, so you must talk with her about this at great length.

You need to think very carefully how this is all going to be financed because this is something your wife and kids will worry about, so will need lots of reassurance about. Your kids will worry about their relationship with you, so will need lots of reassurance as to how that will work. And finally, being single is not necessarily all its cracked up to be and there's no guarantee that you'll find anyone out there to suit you better, so be sure you want to do this.

So I guess my advice (seeing as you asked for it!) is don't do this unless you are very sure that there is no chance of reviving the love you once felt for your wife. If you do go ahead then please talk it all through at great length with both your wife and kids, they deserve full explanations as to why their lives are about to be 'f****d up'; and finally, make sure finances are discussed and in place before you make a move. Having your husband leave you is bad enough but being left in awful financial circumstances, or worrying about your finances, is even worse.

So good luck to you with your decision and keep us posted.

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