I am a 41 Year old father of 2 wonderful boys and have been through a fairly torrid time of the past few years.
I discovered that my, now ex, wife was having an affair back in the summer of 2009. Anyway here is a brief summary:
Initially, tried relate. We went to 2 sessions but it was pointless.
The boys stayed in the FMH and I stayed there when I was not away working. Whenever I was at home, ex stayed at her new boyfriends. It was pretty dreadful and I have read that many people have endured the same. I was very confused and it effected my work (Pilot, RAF).
In early 2010, ex tried to initiate divorce proceedings against me. Until that point, I had been paying all bills and waiting for her to move out. I responded by filing for divorce on the grounds of adultery, it was uncontested and I was advised not to name the other man in the divorce petition and therefore did not. The divorce was initially refused as we were still officially under the same roof, although I did not actually see her at all.
Decree Absolut 25 October 2010. Excellent! So, why am I here now?
As is so often the case, it is the financial side of things that have taken their toll and that I have struggled with throughout the entire process. As I said earlier, I had been paying all bills from the very beginning, we had a joint account. In January 2010, I opened my own account and arranged for all bills regarding the FMH to be covered, in addition I gave my ex cash (up to £600 per month) to cover childcare costs. In 12 years of marriage she had never worked and I was aware that any division of assets would fall in her favour.
She was not content with £600 and all bills covered, so she went to the CSA and started Ancillary Relief proceedings.
That is where the lies really began. Her boyfriend, a local farmer, arranged for a rental property to be made available to her. I am not sure how often she stayed there or if she ever actually provided any rent but it was all part of her plan to avoid the accusation of co-habitation in the Ancillary Relief process.
To be honest, I had little energy for a fight as I was trying to be a good father to my boys (10 and 8), maintain some kind of authority at work and understand how I was supposed to pay the astronomical legal bills.
We settled before the Final Hearing and, in summary, I was left in a perilous financial position but with an opportunity to be debt free:
She got the FMH, with a line about using "best endeavours" to remove my name from the mortgage.
I was to pay £550 per month spousal maintenance for 2.5 years.
She got to keep the car, without encumbrance. Which basically meant that I had to pay the loan of £384 per month.
I received a lump sum of £32500 but also carried all the marital debt (circa £18500).
I keep my pension.
I also had child maintenance of £464 per month to pay, through the CSA. I have the boys around 50% of the time.
I was fairly content, I could pay the debts off, with the lump sum, and I fully expected her to move into the farmhouse with her new man as she had secured the FMH and could sell it at her convenience (around £150000 of equity).
But no. I never received the lump sum and therefore could not afford the Spousal Maintenance and hence my spiral into debt properly began.
I shall continue later, if anybody is interested. I am looking for some advice but want to have the background out there before I ask any questions. It appears to be the way that this place works and I like it.
If your settlement went officially through the court as a Consent Order and you''ve not received the money due to you then you need to file for enforcement. I don''t think it''s all that difficult, and someone here will know what form you need.
If it wasn''t official, then everything is still up for grabs.
My ex-pursued me for non-payment of Spousal Maintenance through the Magistrates Court and I therefore had to take it back to the County Court. Eventually, I received a reduced lump sum and started to make the Spousal Maintenance payments.
Now to the meat of my current problem. As soon as I started making Spousal Maintenance Payments, ex moved out of the FMH and into the farmhouse. As there was no co-habitation clause in the Court Order there was nothing I could do about it. She has now moved somebody into the FMH.
My question is this.....
By moving somebody into the former marital home, rent free according to the ex, is she really using her "best endeavours" to remove my obligations to the building society? I have contacted the building society and they have not been informed of this and I have had no sight of any tenancy agreement. I doubt that there is one. I would like to request a variation of my spousal maintenance and need a little advice on how to do it. The cost of legal representation is so high that I am considering doing this alone. As the property is not required by my ex, she could more than double the amount that I am currently providing in Spousal Maintenance. The Consent Order stipulated that the property must be sold by November 2013, if my name has not been removed from the mortgage by this date. It is also the projected end of Spousal Maintenance payments.
Please understand that I have always supported my boys. I have a full and supportive role and have a lot of great, quality, time to spend together. I have always and will continue to pay child support and actually contribute considerably more.
I can see you have a lot of issues. What I think you should prepare yrself is that you may have to wait until 2013 to resolve this. But... Have a look at what the court order says. This is the key here. As you are off the deeds, (I am assuming that you filled out a TR1 form to transfer the prop to her?) and you are still on the mortgage. The courts have no powers to force lenders to take someone name off a mortgage. For your name to come off, your ex would need to take it on. And that would be as if she was purchasing it. In other words, it would be a full mortgage application in her name only and she would need to be able to afford it. Which from what you have said, she cant. So I cant see how you are supposed to be relieved of the mortgage. You should have been told this. Not being on the deeds and having to pay for it is the worst place to be. It means you will never own it. But you have to pay for it. Not good.
So is your name still on the deeds? If yes, then its still yr house. And she cant rent it out. U could in theory give the tenant notice to leave. It all depends on what the CO says.
If you have the kids for 50% of the time, you shouldn''t pay CSA. C.
Yes, my name is still on the deeds, the mortgage is still in joint names. The ex benefits from a trust, which although not included in the equation for division of equity, allowed me to negotiate a position where I retained my pension and almost achieved a Clean Break. The trust is substantial and could easily cover the outstanding mortgage but chose not to. That is why I was left hanging.
As for the CSA. I have the boys almost, but not quite, 50% of the time. Fourteen to fifteen nights per month.
You could go back to court for a variation of spouse maintenance, but it would be very risky. You might end up paying more, or for longer. As Marshy says, you probably just have to reconcile yourself to waiting until 2013.
Are your CSA payments reduced according to the number of nights you have the children?