I tend to agree with you Buzz. Stop paying spousal maintenence and see what happens. Keep a diary of when you have the children. I would also stop paying the child maintenence eventually aswell. If she decides to take action through the courts for enforcement, you could file an application for Equal Shared Residence and have the evidence to back it up. If you succeed then this should eliminate the CSA. At present, your CSA payments seem quite high?
Please be very very careful, you have a court order, if you stop paying it can be enforced, if this happens ultimately it can end in prison.
If you read the order it says when you can stop paying or any reasons that may become an issue before the end date that would also mean you can stop paying (trigger events), after all that stuff it will say "until a further order of court" or similar.
This court order was born from a mutual agreement, its not what a judge ordered but it amounts to the same , it can still be enforced which trust me you don`t want to happen.
If you feel the situation is untenable financially then apply to vary the order, this you can do alone without a solicitor if costs are an issue, before you do take advice though, find a specialist family lawyer give the facts and listen, but listen carefully, if the solicitor thinks variation has little chance of success don`t do it or you could end up paying your ex`s costs.
Now at this point your probably thinking your all a bunch of wimps encouraging me to pander to what is an immoral agreement, it was my wife who ended the marriage and broke up my family and it was her who engineered a situation where cohabitation could not be proved, but morals and law, sadly Mr moral and Mr law are chalk and cheese, the fact is you singed a consent agreement after legal advice and that order was sealed by a judge making it binding, that order is enforceable, in law there is culpable neglect.
So you stop paying, you do so because she is living with another man, she also has the benefit of a trust that could or is meeting her financial needs, the cost of paying the order is causing you distress.
From a legal point of view you agreed to pay that amount, end of story.
But no she lives with a bloke, but you have no cohabitation clause, she has a beneficial trust, but you knew that when you signed the order, do you see the problems?.
If you are found to have caused culpable neglect you will be forced to pay, probably by attachment of earnings, worst case scenario you do time, this you cannot risk, if this were to happen you could be charged with bringing the service into disrepute, you would lose your job, even your pension could be at risk.
You have a year to go before the order ends, grin and bear it, if you can`t at least talk to a solicitor before you take any action.
I wouldnt stop paying. That would put you in a bad light. And will make a rod for yr own back.
Ok so you are on the deeds and on the mortgage. That means its yr home. And if its being rented out, you are due a proportion of the income. In fact you could move back in if you wish. In theory that is.
You dont have a Clean Break settlement. Clean break means that all financial matters are dispensed with. As you have kids, you cant have a clean break anyway. Also as you are paying SM, this cant be a clean break. And finaly, the house is still in joint names. So there are lots of pointers that this cant be a clean break.
But a lot depends what is said on the CO. This is the key here. And we cant expect you to publish what is said in there in an open forum. What I would do is make an appointment with yr local CAB and see what you can do within the bounds of this CO. Ok, IO doubt that you can do a lot. But I reckon that you could argue that you should recieve some income from the letting of the FMH. If you can do this, then it will ease the financial burden on you. You could demand to see the rental agreement. As any agreement to rent the property cannot be made without yr permission. You own the house.
Lastly. Its easy to make big mistakes. But try and have a think about what you are doing. At a minimum, you should seek some advice before taking a course of action as not doing so, can lead you to some very hot water and you dont want to make matters worse by taking the wrong action. C.
Similarly, even with equally shared time, one person is still defined as the parent with care, and the other has to pay child support, albeit considerably reduced. You may not agree with it, but that is the law. If you stop paying, she can pursue you for arrears and they can be taken directly from your earnings. Check that you are paying the right amount, but don''t just stop paying.
I agree sexy sadie, but with equal shared care/residence it is possible for the father to pay maintenence for the 2 children when they are with the mum, but it is also possible for the father to obtain maintenence from the mother for the time that they live with him.
It has been a long day and I thank you all for your replies. I have read them all, they make sense and I agree with the main point.
I have never questioned child maintenance, as I understand the equation it is simply 20% of net income if I do not see the children at all. £464 is 14% of my net income at the moment (see below), it is lazy maths by the CSA but I know that there are whole threads to discuss their failings.
However, I cannot comply with Spousal Maintenance and cannot find a legal definition of it in English Law. As a pilot, I have struggled to cope with the financial strain and have avoided flying. As a commanding officer, I have often been distracted by the lies and ongoing games, this has had a quantifiable effect on my ability to communicate effectively. Consequently, I have resigned(PVR''d, in old language). I do not think that my problems belong to the RAF and I do not want anyone''s career to be damaged by my inattention, or for an incident/accident to occur when I am engaged in flying or flying related activities
I have read many topics on this website and can see that I am in no way unique. So, I do not wish to dwell on the emotional/mental side of a divorce.
I discovered yesterday that my ex is allowing an old friend to live in the FMH, effectively rent free. Ok, nothing I can do about it? I then discovered that the "tenant" had recently received over £300000 as a settlement in her own divorce.
Now, as a member of the RAF I understand that my pay is effectively tax payers money. I also pay tax, which is a little confusing but easier for the tax office. I am appalled by the attempted deception, that I assume is an attempt to avoid paying any tax on income, and have therefore Filed a Form A today. I want this before a judge.
I need help filling out the form E!
Even bigger pxsstake is that she''ll never admit cohabiting with Farmer Barley mo because she''s picking up about £1500 a month tax free as a single mother of two kids in benefits. Plus your £1000 a month tax free plus the rent of probably £500 a month of her mate cash in hand.
Here''s the figures
Government tax free wonga £1500 per month
Ex hubbie tax Free wonga £1000 per month
Mates rent tax free wonga £ 500 per month
Assets -FREE HOUSE , FREE CAR ,TRUST FUND.
Looks good to me.
Print this off show the judge just how much of an ass the law is.Because it goes but you can''t prove that she''s living with Farmer Barley Mo.
I think I''d command one of them bomber planes to go a bit off course and accidentally drop a bomb on Farmer Barley Mo''s farmhouse that they ain''t living in together.Proble4m solved.
All the best