7 weeks

i''m new to this but here goes. 7 weeks ago i found out that my husband of fifteen years was having an affair with a woman less than half my age. for months beforehand my life was hell, calling me names and putting me down constantly. anyway he,s gone and i filed for divorce within 3 weeks. Friends have been great but i feel like i,m starting to bore myself now i cant get a break from it constantly being played over in my head. There is more but if anyone has any tips on how to switch it off for a while i would appreciate it. Can,t believe i,m like this i didn,t even like him for the last 6 months

Hi Sally,

I am in a similar position to you and about 9 weeks into the process. My stbx was caught out having an affair with a very good mutual friend of ours. I am now in the process of divorce after 7 years married (been together 12 years). I have 2 small children and at the moment am still in the family home.
My stbx changed in the 6 months before I found out what was going on. Secretive, rude, verbally abusive the lot so I didn''t like him very much at that point either!

I have found that keeping busy works for me. Seeing friends for a drink or coffee, having a long soak in a hot bath or even just going for a walk to try and clear my head helps.

I too am finding the hardest part thinking about him with someone else and having my brain going haywire with all the possible things he could be getting up to. The worst part for me seems to be when I am trying to fall asleep or if I wake up in the middle of the night. Everything keeps going round and round driving me mad.

I am going to take a relaxation class soon when my youngest starts nursery which I hope will help me switch off.

Sorry, not much help but hopefully someone else will be along soon with some good ideas! Just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this situation xx

thank you for replying and for your advice. Ithought I might have sounded a bit flippant when I first wrote but that is the way I cope at the minute. It,s so hard just trying to do day to day tasks. I try to get through it hour by hour, I have a teenage daughter and I hold things together for her. There is also money worries and housing issues everything is such a mess, but I will at somepoint try and do something for me a laugh with the girls would be good. x thank you

7 weeks ago I found out about my wife''s affair. I''m going thru the same. Night Time is most definitely the worst. I can here her now giggling to her mate on the phone. It''s enough to drive you mad. I find it helps to realise what a great person I am and what a fool she is to have blown her chance with me. Even if you are inclined to doubt this, DON''T. Believe it 100%, you are great. Also, take things slow for a while. Starting divorce proceedings within 3 weeks is quick and you might feel things are happening too fast and that you are losing control. Start loving yourself again and try new things and remember you are not alone. Good luck.

As Katy Perry sings in her new song - "you can have everything except me" - rotten time for you, but believe me as a single mum of 3 teenage daughters who has just come to a house that looks like it has been turned over (!)lol, you will feel get through this and emerge a much stronger woman.

Keep posting and we will keep replying!