hey there

Hi folks,

Just wanted to say hello, not sure if I''m in the right place, I don''t need legal advice just wanted to talk.

I''ve just started divorce proceedings against my alcoholic husband, we have children together and I want a better life for them.

Contrary to the username, I am not a fully fledged Geordie, was born up here, but moved away as a child. I''ve just moved back up when I left my husband.

Anyhoo. Just wondered if anyone else is going through divorce from an alcoholic?

xx

Hi geordiegirl,

A very warm welcome to the Land of Wiki. I am glad you have found us, even though it is through very painful circumstances.

You will find all the different types of support you may need from emotional, practical and also financial here.

I know it must be hard to up sticks and move back to an area, from what you say you have not lived in for sometime but as they say a change is as good as a rest and the chance of a new start.

Although my STBX was not an alcoholic, one of my parents was, so I have an understanding of what you and the children have possibly had to go through and how difficult a decision, but I am sure a very wise one and in the best interests of your family, must have been for you.

Your children are what will see you through this and you will see that in time, things will get easier.

I know that there are lots of Wiki''s who will understand your situation, many here have been in similar circumstances, so I am sure they will be along soon to offer support and the right advice.

Take care for now FoS x

Hello geordiegirl and welcome to wiki.

I am sorry to hear about your situation. There are several of us here who have experience of living with - and divorcing - spouses with alcohol problems. My ex was (is?) an alcoholic depressive. Like you I got to the point where the children had to come first.

I suppose one practical question would be whether he is a high functioning alcoholic - ie able to hold down a job and therefore have an income - or whether he is unable to work. This will have an impact on how things work financially.

On a personal level I felt so much better when I no longer had to feel responsible for him and his behaviour. It has left scars on me and the children but I am glad we got out when we did. I am sure his problems (and the effects on his health) made the financial settlement much harder (and more expensive) than it should have been. I don''t know if you can blame the illness or if it was a latent trait in him but he seemed to become very self centred and felt his needs should be more important than those of the children and me.

It does sound like you are no longer living together which may make things a bit easier for you.

I am sure you will have responses from others who are in a similar situation. Please do look around the site for information, post questions as you need to - and perhaps pop in to chat some time if you just want someone to talk to.

Hadenoughnow

Hi Geordie Girl

You have been so strong to get this far, I don''t have experience is this field but I thought I would pop up with a quick hello until others get back to you with relevant help.

I would say my wife is a high functioning alcoholic. She gets nasty when drunk and it is never good. Often she''ll blame me for her drinking as it seems that she drinks more when I''m around. One of the great things about being separated is that I can let that go. I always hated her drinking - the fact that to have any kind of fun, drink was always there. With the drinking came verbal abuse and memory loss. A crappy combination as she would hurl insults at me and then claim to forget them in the morning.

I will never be with another drinker - that is for sure!

Hi Geordiegirl

Yes I identify with this story - although my ex had an affair, it was his drinking that was the thing that stopped me agreeing to a reconciliation - it came as no surprise to me that the OW had a huge drinks cabinet and according to her he didn''t have a drink problem at all (if she knew how often he gets drunk and phones / texts me she would no doubt think differently haha). The whole divorce has been hugely sad for me but I actually love not feeling responsible for his drinking any more:cheer:

Anyway, I live close by you so pm me if you want to chat. I decided to access a local support service that is designed to support people who are family members of alcoholics. They are very good at showing you how you are being manipulated and how to assert yourself. I am now having problems with my son in this area and I want to try and nip this in the bud also....