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How to initiate a discussion to a non talker

  • Palermo
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30 Apr 12 #327354 by Palermo
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runriarun wrote:

To stay or go ...... how do you initiate a discussion with a man who just doesnt do the talk emotions, feelings.

I have on many occasion tried to bring up the subject of "im not happy in this marriage" to be told, "well just #### off then. Your problem YOU deal with it."

How do you tell your husband of 25 years that you want to leave?

I am scared. Lonely. Stressed. Living in Limbo. Do I try to bring up the subject, generate discussion (i must owe him that) but in fear that he will explode and I will be not be "in" control, with little money, potentially out on my ear.

Or do I quietly plan, work out a strategy to escape before generating the discussion.

I need to work out all the pros cons, finances, plans .... the danger is once I open my mouth a giant snowball of emotion, anger, resentment will engulf me. I am scared of the consequences.

My preference is to walk out the door with a flat already waiting, my finances stablish and my dignigy in tact. My fear is aggression, humiliation.

My husband''s behaviour has erode my feelings toward him. There is nothing left. I have covered up, carried on for the sake of the children. I have seen through their schooling, university and now the moment I have fantasised about draws near. Time for me. Is it right to be selfish? Why do I feel guilty about everything? Should I stay to keep everyone else happy. I have played my part too, as the saying goes it takes two to tango and its been a very unhappy dance. Im tired.

Ria


Try communicating through e-mail or text, It''s not face to face so you should be able to make your points and air your concerns without getting emotional. He will have no choice but to read at least some of what you have wrote. There''s no harm in trying.

  • greebobeebo
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30 Apr 12 #327363 by greebobeebo
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When I needed to leave my 1st husband, we went to relate.

He was all for trying to save the marriage blah, blah, blah. But I''d heard it all before and in the end I used the environment to tell my OH that there was nothing left and I was leaving him.

With my 2nd husband, I wanted to try and save my marriage, but he turned everything round to be my fault, told her that he was afraid of me being violent! It''s beside the point that he had pushed me to the point where I self harmed.

Anyway, I suppose, if your OH is not open to discussion when your on your own, I would suggest you try relate.

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