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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

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Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.

Dreading telling the kids and elderly parents

  • Action
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24 Apr 12 #326305 by Action
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I found it really useful to do a monthly expense list. I can send you an electronic one that our Mediator supplied if you like? It''s a very good way of working out what you actually need to survive which will help with the negotiations down the line.

Have you had any discussions about how things might be split? My husband was really shocked when he realised that it''s not automatically 50/50. We''re now at the stage of a Consent Order being almost ready to be sent to Court. The settlement is not far removed (a little more in my favour infact) from the offer I made to him within the first ten days - and that was 18 months ago and a lot spent on mediation and Solicitors in between. I wanted to wrap things up quickly but it took a long time for him to realise the facts of the law on how these things are worked out.

Have you agreed between you what he will be paying before a settlement is reached? If it''s not enough then you may have to think about a maintenance pending suit, if there is a big disparity in your income. The experts on here will need more information to advise. It may be worth you taking advantage of a free half hour with a solicitor to find out where you stand - quite a lot of them do this and there''s nothing to stop you shopping around. Get as much information and advice as you can off here first so that you have a concise list of what remains for the solicitor.

Remember - you have a say in all of this - it''s not for him to dictate.

  • julie321
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24 Apr 12 #326306 by julie321
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I was in the same position as you labradors, he never had time for home life and kids. Mine were 18 & 15 nwhen he told me of OW. I made him tell the kids and made sure he told them everything that had gone on. This was three years ago and we are not divorced yet. We agreed a sum between us that he would pay for house and kids. This year daughter leaves home for uni so I am expecting him to say he wants his share of the house, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Look after yourself and your kids, mine have been a great support to me and although they still see Dad they find him a bit of an embarressment now whith the way he behaves.

I went to two or three solicitors for advice you usually get first half hour free but my situation suits me at the moment, when it doesn''t I will initiate divorce proceedings.

All the best, you will get through this.

  • I love labs
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24 Apr 12 #326309 by I love labs
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Thanks Julie321, I guess I''ll take one day at a time x

  • Onmyway
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24 Apr 12 #326345 by Onmyway
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Hi Labradors

Same situation as you. Didn''t make it to our 21st aniversary as I discovered his deceit back in September last year. 2 Kids 18 and 20 now. He moved out into the annex mid Sept and still lives there.
It took me about 6 weeks to have a conversation with them, and I have recounted it here in my blog:

They are not stupid or blind, they know what is going on but do not want to ask any questions, that would just make it all so real.

I was waiting for him to have that conversation, but he didn''t.

As for parents, I lost mine years ago, so nit was about telling my brothers and sister. I spoen to my yougest brother, then sent a email to the rest just syaing we had split.

I agree with Lostboy, tell then sooner rather than later and let each sentence sink in.

You are the one that matters in this, and I am sure they will want to support you in any way they can, but you alos have to let them.

Well done you for finding this site and taking those first steps to saying hello!

Take care of yourself and do use us and our experiences.

Carly xx

  • Canuck425
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24 Apr 12 #326387 by Canuck425
Reply from Canuck425
My kids were 13, 11 and 7 when we separated so a bit different from your situation.

We were both very committed to being open and honest when breaking the separation news to the kids. We met before to make sure our stories were consistent and then did not deviate off script. It went pretty well. I was proud of us. Especially since I was in so much emotional pain due to her affair.

I have been VERY cognizant of never bad mouthing my wife to the kids. Never. I give them no details and never say a bad word. Also, I do not use the kids as a therapist. I need to show them I am doing well emotionally so they will not worry about me at all. I have other outlets for support.

My parents and sisters were great. Very supportive. But I should note that I did not tell any close family about her affair. With the kids at a young age it was very important to me that she be respected as the mother of my children. I figured that if they knew too many details then their anger would not be useful.

Now that we''re headed toward divorce we still have to update the kids. That will be tough but we''ll get through it.

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