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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Let''s Get It Over With!

  • pixy
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29 Apr 12 #327245 by pixy
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Let me get this straight.

You have been alone for 14 years living with a woman you don''t respect, but you have made two chidren with her.

You are the better parent but are not prepared to put together a case to fight to be their main carer.

Your wife is a terrible mother but you are planning to leave your children with her for five years then take them away from her.

You want to get married but have no one lined up for the position and don''t seem to have given any thought to the possibility that it might be difficult to find someone.

Am I the only person who can''t make sense out of what you are saying?
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  • sillywoman
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29 Apr 12 #327252 by sillywoman
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Do what most people do - get a job, any job!
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  • Camelia
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29 Apr 12 #327259 by Camelia
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Hmmm I have read this thread with interest....I would be interested to hear the other side of the story.

If you wife is the harridan you say she is, why did you marry her and have children with her in the first place ? I know we all change as we get older but from what you are saying your wife has suffered a personality transplant and has morphed into a complete monster.

If you were that concerned for the childrens'' wellbeing you would move heaven and earth to ensure their needs were met before your own. Its easy to talk the talk, how about actually doing something in action instead of making excuses.
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Tax credits pays me very little. Between the stress, studying, having to look after the children, tidy up etc, etc I don''t have the time to look for more work.
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Oh dear me, welcome to the world of single parents...I work full time, run my own business on top, I am studying for my professional Advocacy Qualifications, run a home, look after my daughter full time (ex not interested) I self-repped to FH and secured mine and my daughter''s future from my violent ex partner. Oh and I have a spinal disability that makes life a wee bit difficult at times.

Sorry to sound harsh, but you seem more concerned with securing your future before that of your children - you have recourse to rectify the situation and not having a job just isn''t a good enough excuse not to take action.
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  • Palermo
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29 Apr 12 #327262 by Palermo
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pixy wrote:

Let me get this straight.

You have been alone for 14 years living with a woman you don''t respect, but you have made two chidren with her.

You are the better parent but are not prepared to put together a case to fight to be their main carer.


The point in this futile exercise, other than to give myself more false hope, would be what?

Your wife is a terrible mother but you are planning to leave your children with her for five
years then take them away from her.


Leaving them with her? I don''t have a choice.

You want to get married but have no one lined up for the position and don''t seem to have given any thought to the possibility that it might be difficult to find someone.


Of course it will be difficult but this, unlike my current situation, isn''t in the hands of the courts, it''s something I can actually determine.
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29 Apr 12 #327266 by Palermo
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Camelia wrote:

Hmmm I have read this thread with interest....I would be interested to hear the other side of the story.


Ask the solicitor she went to last year only to fail to change her mind. Maybe you could try asking her current solicitor, who sent her a letter warning if they did not her from her within 2 weeks they would close the file because she hadn''t bothered contacting them in 3 months. Or the father and brothers and sister she doesn''t speak to.

If you wife is the harridan you say she is, why did you marry her and have children with her in the first place ?


Yes because i knew this was going to happen. Do you give that advice to everyone new on the forum? I mean seriously.

I know we all change as we get older but from what you are saying your wife has suffered a personality transplant and has morphed into a complete monster.


There were issues early on but I wasn''t about to bail at the first sign of trouble.

If you were that concerned for the childrens'' wellbeing you would move heaven and earth to ensure their needs were met before your own. Its easy to talk the talk, how about actually doing something in action instead of making excuses.

Sorry to sound harsh, but something sounds amiss here.


My needs ARE their needs. My future is THEIR future. How does their furture look if their house is repossessed? Selling the house is a better option than waiting for the inevitable reposession. I''m not the idiot who tried a ''trial seperation'' only to come running back after getting into a bigger financial hole. I''ve seen this story before, I know how it ends.

And this isn''t a who has had a harder life contest. You know nothing about my past.
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29 Apr 12 #327269 by Palermo
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sillywoman wrote:

Do what most people do - get a job, any job!


I work part time and am studying for a degree part time.
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29 Apr 12 #327275 by Palermo
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sexysadie wrote:

Nevertheless, you intend to leave the children with their mother, possibly making them homeless in the process, and then abandon them further by leaving the country.


To secure a better future.

In five years time you will return and claim the children - by which time the elder one will be eighteen in any case so not a child any more. You believe that they will still want to live with you because they will be desperate to leave the person who has (however unsatisfactorily) looked after them for the past five years, in order to live with someone who abandoned them and left her, and them, to it.


They knew who took them away from their father and lied to them when they were children, they know who lied to them and took them away from their father 3 years ago and they know who went to the solicitors and asked for a divorce.

You need to get real here. If your wife is such a terrible parent that the children are potentially in danger, you should at the very least hang around seeing them frequently so you can keep an eye on things.


As I said I won''t seperate them for that reason. My eldest son towers over both of us, he cannot be bullied anymore.

Alternatively you could go for being parent with care yourself. If she isn''t, but is just someone you no longer want to live with who is finding that hard to cope with, then you need to find a way of supporting her parenting, if you want to leave the children with her as you say you do.


I don''t want to leave them with her but unless I''m missing something I don''t have a choice.
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