A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


New Here

  • Skizzy
  • Skizzy's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
01 May 12 #327629 by Skizzy
Reply from Skizzy
feel free to diss him as much as you want, I have no problems with that. The things I''ve found out & the way he''s been in these last 4 weeks makes me wonder if I ever knew him at all. I''m trying to be the bigger person, to be civil to him & stick to facts if I''m talking to others rather than slating him to hell, but it''s hard sometimes! He''s been my husband for 10 years & my best friend for 12 & overnight he just took that away. We went from daily 4-5 hour phone calls & plans for the future to nothing. No indications, no warning signs, he just turned a switch & that was that. Who is this man? I don''t want him back, I am certain of that & he has no intention of coming back but I feel I need to understand how 1 person does that to another, how someone changes so fast in such a short amount of time. All I get from him is ''I don''t know''.

I didn''t eat at all for 8 days, I didn''t have any food in the house so it wasn''t really a choice thing. I have some now though & I am eating as & when I can. Rest isn''t such a problem as I''m in bed 24/7.

I''ve been finding out how much divorce costs & I''m a little stunned. Am worried we''re not going to be able to afford it & I don''t want to be tied to him for any longer than I have to. I know he''s gonna fight on the financial side of things & I don''t really know where to start.

  • Crumpled
  • Crumpled's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
01 May 12 #327633 by Crumpled
Reply from Crumpled
Hi you can ask lots of legal questions on here and get some good free legal advice.Also many solicitors offer free half hour sessions prior to going for a divorce there is no reason why you cant shop around solicitors and have more than one free sessions if you make a list of questions you could structure things quite well in advance and get the most information for the cheapest price so to speak.
As for a person changing i have been with my husband for 30 years and we were the Absolute best of friends and he is now almost totally unrecognisable to me and like you have gone from loads of phone calls etc etc to thing he is totally obsessed with another woman or womenb in my case massive mid life crisis he does have some what i would call lucid moments when he is sorry etc but he never tells the truth now and it is sohard si i do understand what you are feeling as i feel the same.

  • Palermo
  • Palermo's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
01 May 12 #327642 by Palermo
Reply from Palermo
Skizzy wrote:

The thing that''s really getting to me at the moment is the crying. I''ve never been a cry type person, but at the moment I can''t seem to stop & the stupidest little things seem to set me off, is annoying as hell lol. I''ve been reading through the forum & I see that a lot of people still feel the pain months & even years down the line, that really scares me. I don''t want to be like that. I want to get this over with, get the divorce over & be done with it all. Is that even possible?


Before I was married I hadn''t shed a tear for well over a decade. Since then and in recent years the tears fall regularly. Crying is healthy, it''s like an emotional release valve. Until you can put the memories to the furthest reaches of your mind, until you stop dwelling on them the pain will not go away.

Maybe a fresh start in a new home which isn''t so isolated is something to think about. You can pursue your husband for your share of the house but it could take many, many months for that to be resolved. In the meantime don''t spend too much time in the house. Go to the neatest town or park, take you dogs for walk. Try to find a book club, anything which brings you in contact with people.

  • Palermo
  • Palermo's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
01 May 12 #327644 by Palermo
Reply from Palermo
Skizzy wrote:

I''ve been finding out how much divorce costs & I''m a little stunned. Am worried we''re not going to be able to afford it & I don''t want to be tied to him for any longer than I have to. I know he''s gonna fight on the financial side of things & I don''t really know where to start.


If you''re on low income you may qualify for legal aid. He''s already left the home so has a place to live. That is going to count against him with regards to the house. I don''t know the ins and outs of your finances but I wouldn''t worry too much about having a roof over your head. Try the Divorce Calculator to your right. It will give you a rough idea on what you may get with regards to your share of the house and any maintenance.

  • Skizzy
  • Skizzy's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
01 May 12 #327647 by Skizzy
Reply from Skizzy
Thanks everyone for the replies.

Livingintheday - Sorry he did that to you, it''s comforting to know someone understands & that it''s not just my brain melting into self pity.

Palermo - I don''t like crying, I was raised to belive it''s a sign of weakness so it drives me a little nuts.
A new home is def something I need but not financially possible & I may not have this one for much longer. He is still living in the marital home & the thought that I may have to go back & share it with him is more than a little humiliating. In saying that, I am determined not to spend another winter here (I know thats a fair ways off yet), the last one wasn''t too bad as it was mild, but I couldn''t do another cold one with no heating.
Getting out & about isn''t possible right now, I don''t have a car (he wrote it off just before we split). I''m hoping once the stress dies down I''ll have more energy & motivation.

  • Palermo
  • Palermo's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
01 May 12 #327655 by Palermo
Reply from Palermo
Well we were told a lot of things growing up!

The housing association may pay most of your rent if you are unable. Google the benefits advisor, complete it, see what happens.

  • Skizzy
  • Skizzy's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
01 May 12 #327664 by Skizzy
Reply from Skizzy
Thanks :). Housing benefit is why I''m in such a mess with rent now.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11