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  • Canuck425
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06 May 12 #328664 by Canuck425
Reply from Canuck425
Unfortunately, I am with Pete on that one. Seen too many stories and talked with too many people to think otherwise. There is a pattern and your story fits.

However, that doesn''t change my advice one bit from my previous reply. Focus on you. That''s the smart move for right now.

  • Marshy_
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06 May 12 #328667 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Hi Mingmong. I think you are a prime candidate for self forgiveness. There is plenty written about it on this site.

What is done is done mate. In fact, no one is blameless. The person that has not made a mistake, has not been born yet. Ok you did some gaming and didnt show yr wife the attention she needed. And was no good with money. And perhaps didnt listen when you needed to. But you will pay for this mistake. But only once mind. Not forever. But these are things you can fix. And you can learn to listen.

What I suggest you do is a couple of things.. Number one, forget your marriage. That is gone. Work on putting this behind you. Thats what we call acceptance. You may at some point get back with her. But I wouldnt count on it. Number two, identify all the mistakes you made and do what ever you need to get them fixed.

On the gaming front and lack of discipline with money, there are reason why people do this. And it has nothing to do with the gaming and the money. There are deeper issues which could go right back to childhood. So none of this could be yr fault. People often spend money as it makes them feel good about themselves or they use it as some kind of wallpaper to paper over the cracks in there own life. But what ever the reason, with a bit of work, you can fix all these things and be a better man.

Lastly. Sometimes a relationship is so badly damaged, its unsavable. I cant tell you that this is the case with yr stbx. But I suspect this is the case. What I suggest to you is that you put this relationship to one side. Easy to say I know. But when you are recovered from whatever the problem is that you have, strike out with a new relationship. As you wont be encumbered with yr old problems like you are with the last one and you will have another crack at it. But for now, you have some work todo. But if you are serous about sorting yrself out, you can do it. You can have it. If you just want it bad enough and put the effort in. C.

  • mingmong
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06 May 12 #328676 by mingmong
Reply from mingmong
Thanks for all your help, I now can make some informed decisions about how to tackle my issues.
I won''t lie, I love my wife and family, It will be hard for me to simply let her go.
We phone and get on ok. Would you advise against this?
In order to help me let her go?
I don''t want to upset what good communication we do have.

She told me yesterday she is hurting about the decision she has made.
I diddnt press her or question her statement.
In the end she wants the kids to be happy, I agree that they are happy now we have separated, the tension is no longer in the air.

I must admit that my situation pales into insignificance when compared to other peoples problems on this forum.
I feel I''m quite fortunate.

Here''s to the future whatever it may hold.

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