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Another Newbie

  • mulberrygirl
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11 May 12 #329979 by mulberrygirl
Reply from mulberrygirl
Thanks so much for your support and advice.I read Sair''s blog a couple of days ago when I joined up and thought it made complete sense, it''s almost like men stick to an ''adultery manual'' - insert lie here for example.
To try and answer questions, the couselling has helped and I have gone from weekly sessions to monthly ones and will probably be discharged soon. The strength I get is only short lived tho and I just feel scared of this new future, I trust my own ability, it''s more the practical things like money and what he is planning next. I moved back into the matrimonial property 2 weeks ago as we had rented it out and he had said in January that he couldn''t afford to pay me a monthly allowanance and rent (but could afford to give his mistress £3k a month when she is a sales manager). We have no mortgage but as it is in his name he feels I have no right to be in there and because I got the bills (as landlady) I paid them. This prompted nasty and offensive texts from him saying ''if i wanted the flat I could make him an offer''. He earns nearly 10 times what I do with allowances. This is why I am fearful, the uncertainty of not knowing where I will be in 3 or 6 months. I have an inheritance from my parents and I need that as my nest egg not to pay him off when I am not the one who cheated. I feel he is going to walk away from this without being held responsible for what he has done. It looks like I will have to take him to court which just drags it on longer.

Pixy - you are so right about him being unhappy, I tried my very best. taking a back seat and letting him have more freedom than many married men have, still it wasn''t enough. I told him I loved him and he would tell me back but it was without meaning and he was so moody.
YellowRose - I petitioned before he got back to HK in the New Year to stop him citing ''unreasonable behaviour'' on me - nothing could be further from the truth. I wanted him to see ''Adultery'' in black and white too. To be forever labelled a lying, devious cheat. I really didn''t see any point in hanging around, the marriage was dead so lets get rid.I feel that the person I married no longer exists & that is why i cut contact with him, especially after reading his financial statement - £1800 in Tiffany HK last August and flying back to caterham on the evening of my birthday and wedding anniversary to be with her before heading to france for a week long course was hard to take. He had stayed up late the night before to call me and wish me a happy birthday saying he wished he could be there!
My hopes for a future of travelling and seeing the world have been taken away, he had asked me to look at buying a property abroad for us to have for the future, and I felt we were a team, he however was fielding an extra player.
FOS what a great post. I think latterly I did turn a blind eye. He wasn''t a big socialiser but I never stopped him going out with ''the lads from work''. Mostly he would be back late but I never suspected anything. I even wondered if he was gay at one point as he would just tense up when i went to kiss him - now I know why. He didn''t even like holding my hand. This woman who he is with does like to be bank rolled the high life and he seems happy to provide it - Kensington Roof gardens, Simpsons on the strand etc, in fact all the things he would have hated, he cannot stand pretentious people and that is exactly what she is. She is referenced alot on google she is so pushy and full of herself.
I am eating, just not huge amounts as I don''t often get hungry and I feel that it is the only thing I have control over.

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