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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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Hi

  • Jo100
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11 May 12 #330070 by Jo100
Topic started by Jo100
Hi all - recently abandoned by my husband so feeling ugly/worthless/like a loser etc.
I do know that tht''s not the case but am just hanging in there for the day that I wake up & feel that things are on the up!
I have good kids & family and a job that I love so there are saving graces in my life - it''s just tough finding myself back at the beginning in my mid 40''s.
Wishing everyone a good weekend xxx

  • redwine47
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11 May 12 #330079 by redwine47
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Hi. Jo, I m sorry you find yourself here. But you are in good hands.. Lots of us know how you feel and you will get loads of support here.

You know you are a great person., never think otherwise. You will get through this... There''ll be ups and downs,, but you will cope, you have family and friends get talking to them if you feel up to it.

Rant here as much as you like. There will be more wikis along soon to support you. You are not alone xxx

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11 May 12 #330080 by Jo100
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Thank you - I''m extremely lucky to have the support around me but you know how sometimes you just want to sound soo feeble that you can''t speak to family coz they''ll worry even though they don''t need to. It sounds a bit pathetic but you know when you want to just blub and say that you''ve had enough and be all OTT? - if I ring my Mum/mates/daughter - they start offering to come over which is fab but I just want to be able to say stupid stuff & not have to think that people think I might mean it - I am not suicidal and cannot imagine that I ever will be but I''d like to indulge my inner drama queen every now and then!
So rant opportunities without judgement will clearly be very welcome!!

  • Lostboy67
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11 May 12 #330088 by Lostboy67
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Hi Jo
Welcome to wiki, like most of us here you will be glad you found this site.
Feel free to rant away as much as you want and seek advice as you need.
Its sometimes useful to get advice from an independant source, friends/family will tend to tell you what they think you want to hear.
If you are in the early days the thing to do is to keep yourself together and make sure you eat and sleep as well as possible. Once you are feeling a little stronger look around the site for some idea of what kind of settlement might be and you future will look like. The bigest fear is the unknown, I found it very useful to establish the worst case, its rarely as bad as you think

Take care

LB

  • Jo100
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12 May 12 #330090 by Jo100
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Thanks LB - appreciate the support

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12 May 12 #330092 by Canuck425
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Well you''re not really back at the beginning. More like in the middle with all sorts of opportunities ahead of you.

The future is not yet written and you have a huge say in what will happen. When you''re ready, you''ll dust yourself off and get out there and make a great life. Of course you will.

  • flowerofscotland
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12 May 12 #330096 by flowerofscotland
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Hi Jo100,

Hello and a very warm welcome to the haven of Wiki Land. Like we say a place none of us ever knew existed, but so glad we came upon it. You will hopefully find all the support from emotional to legal to financial here, there are so many caring souls who will take time to share our experiences as we are all at different parts of this journey.

Separation and divorce is not a road that would be recommended unless for all the right reasons. Unfortunately adultery is one of them, as there really is no excuse for it. To be disrespected by the one person you trusted with your life, is a bitter pill to swallow and it will take time to adjust to your new situation.

What you will find here is that we are here during such a difficult time, people of all cultures, age groups that share a common bond, this dreadful roller coaster of a journey. You seem to have accepted that there are positives in your life, and that is good, so focus on those when you feel down. Your children will be your strength and your guiding light and will be what see you through this.

Forget the OW, she is just a symptom of your husband''s own selfish disregard of his wife and families feelings. You will find that she will only become used by him like you possibly were. Well good luck to her, she is welcome to your sloppy seconds, you are too good for this man anyway, do not think that you are not. One of the hardest knocks we take when we are abandoned for the OW, is this real sense of loss of our confidence and self-esteem, you will bounce back and when you do, you will be in a much stronger place that he will ever be. Do not let any man (or woman) knock your confidence like that. None of us are perfect, but integrity and a kind heart are all far better qualities to have than selfishness and deceitfulness. Do not ever put yourself down, you are who you are.

Lean on close and trusted friends and possibly if you have someone who has experienced divorce, then I am sure they will show the compassion needed to help you on your journey. Counselling is always a great outlet, someone who comes recommended, possibly by your GP and is not there to be judge and jury, but to listen, empathise and help you to pigeon hole things allowing you to not be stuck and move into a new direction. Just remember your 40''s are your new 30''s and it is all about accepting the cards we are dealt with, as I and so many others here are trying hard to come to terms with.

Take care for now FoS x

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