My name is Chalie , and I''m going through divorce ! Feels like a AA meeting !!!! It takes courage to admit how terrible the whole process is ! I have been separated from my husband for over 3 years. We have now been separated longer than actually married ! Not for the want of trying to get divorced on my part.
He goes a brief outline of what happened . He ran off with my best friend 6 weeks after I was diagnosed with cancer. To be honest it is all a blurr and I have moved on since those dark days . Life is all about stages I have realised ... Good times and bad ! He was clearly a bad stage !
The ironic thing is that I''m being tarnished as the bad person in all of this . He came to the relationship with nothing more than a hold all of clothes . The week after he left I was hit with a home owners right charge placed on my property . I am a business woman that has been running my own business for 23 years , I have 2 teenagers from a previous relationship and have always been independent and have had no help financially from anybody . I am now in the process of going through a terrible Ancillary Relief battle as my ex feels that he is entitled to half of everything I have . This includes house, business and pension. I am appalled that it has got this far ... I''m now waiting for my full 2 day
hearing which isn''t likely to be fixed until December !
The sad part of this story is that if I had the money I would pay him to get rid of him but unfortunately my business has been going through some tough times and every penny I''ve had I''ve left has gone on the business. I have nothing left other than equity in my home which isn''t vast amounts . I have a large business overdraft ..... What i do not understand . Why is he entitled to half my assets but none of my liabilities . The judge has said that a order could be placed on my home to sell but that will not be finalised until the final hearing . I have 2 kids to support , my health isn''t great . He is now living with yet another woman but claiming to be on a friends sofa ! He is also claiming
depression therefore getting legal aid . I am unfortunately having to represent myself as I have no funds . I can see him coming out of this with more than myself . He is 10 years younger , fit , healthy and it is so totally unfair !
That''s my story so if anyone has any advice , it would be much appreciated or anyone going through similar .
Welcome to Wiki a land we never thought we would need, but welcomed with open arms it is. You will find all the emotional, financial and legal advice here that the members can offer you.
Firstly you sound as if you have been duped by your X. If your marriage was short and he is capable of such deceit, during such a difficult time for you, he obviously had a hidden agenda, of which I am sure you have worked out over time anyway.
There are Wiki''s on here who will be able to offer you possible solutions or at least knowledge in where you stand, unfortunately things are done a little differently in Scotland, but what I will say is that you will hopefully see justice, make sure everything you can use, is well documented and that you have your ducks in a row.
Fingers crossed that you will see closure, but the main thing is wishing you the very best of good health.
What a first class pxxck you unfortunately chose to marry.
I know you have latched on to one thing the judge has said.
However I would stick with the process.
BE STRONG Give yourself the satisfaction of knowing that you haven''t given the blackmailing mercenary fecker a penny that you haven''t been ordered to by a court.
You are right to self rep don''t spend money on this either in court costs.
Any judge should see 3 year marriage no kids take out what you took in.
Promise me you''ll try hard not to waste the mental energy on this little robbing prxck in between court appearances.
There''s a fella on here called Dukey he could help you a lot with the self repping if you ask nicely.
Even better to get him onside he''s a sucker for anything from Westlife he loves them send him a couple of westlife links and he''ll be putty in your hands.
Dukey especially loved them when they were young boys
Sorry your having such a bad time. Remember we are all here to support you through this process.
I know Scottish law is different but this was a short marriage and from my very little understanding of Scottish law is that each party takes out what the brought with them and any ''''profit'''' from the marriage is shared. The only exception is the martial house. So I would think your business and pension are safe from his greedy clutches.
There are people on here who do know Scottish law so hopefully they can give you better advise.
Charlie, just to clarify. You are in England or Wales. I think FoS was referring to the fact she is in Scotland and has limited knowledge of the different law in England and Wales.
You say you were married for three years ... but did you cohabitation for any length of time beforehand? It is true that the rule of thumb in a short childless marriage is that you take out what you brought in but cohabitation leading seamlessly to to marriage can extend the length of the relationship.
You say you have 2 teenagers. Do they live with you?
Does your stbx have legal representation?
If you are able to answer the following questions, we can advise more effectively.
Length of marriage plus cohabitation
Incomes inc any benefits
Value of FMH
Size of FMH
Value of other assets ... Savings, endowments etc
Liabilities .... Debts in sole or joint names.
As far as the business goes, is it a ltd company or are toy a sole trader? What us it worth? Is it your only source of income?
Starting point for a short marriage is each party takes away what they brought to the marriage but the duration of the relationship is only one factor and there are others in the s25 Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 checklist
Depending on the nature of cohabitation before marriage it may be taken into account, but that is less likely when there are no children of the relationship and finances have been kept separate.
The welfare of children is a priority and your need for housing them has to be balanced against any "needs" of your husband. Needs will always trump over a short marriage.
It''s important to remember that the judge at a FDR doesn''t go into the same detail as a judge at a final hearing and the opinion given doesn''t always reflect the final outcome.
Thank you so much for replying. I love your username - very appropriate!
I do live in England so I know that laws are different unfortunately.
I have two teenagers aged 14 and 15 whom I am the sole provider for.
We got together in Dec 2002, but the relationship was very unstable and he left numerous times. Initially he moved in with me in April 2003 but left me during 2004 for about 9 months. He moved to Cornwall to stay with his mother and returned end of 2004. We married in July 2005 and he left in May 2009 so married just under 4 years . Unfortunately he is claiming to the courts that we were cohabitating for 10 years. I have provided council tax statements (single persons discount benefit) but the judge said thats not concrete evidence.)
My ex has lied and lied and lied! He didn''t work for about 3 years we were together and he most certainly was not a house husband. He contributed nothing to the relationship, He was very good at the Xbox though!!!!! if anything my assets have diminished since knowing him. I gave him a job at my firm because he had problems getting a job anywhere. else. He now states that he cannot get a job in my field as I have put the word out that he is not to be employed. Again this is laughable.
I sold the FMH last July as financially I could no longer afford it, it was a large money pit that since my business has been struggling, my drawings have reduced. I sold the house with £160,000 equity in it. I had to get the charge transferred onto my new property which is a new build. I also moved to be near the children''s school so school runs were no longer a issue. There is only £100,000 equity in this property now and I have a large mortgage outstanding.
My drawings use to be on average £10,000pm but I''m lucky if i draw half of that these days. I also send my children to private school but they were at private school long before he came on the scene. I have no ISA''s - they were all cashed in due to business and the debt he left me in. My business is a partnership and I own the freehold on the office premises. There is still a mortgage outstanding but he is maintaining that its valued at £750,000 - its not , £500,000 is a more realistic figure according to commercial estate agents. There is a £495,000 mortgage on it. Commercial properties have really taken a downward spiral of late. But again he doesn''t believe me so I''m being asked for a valuation to be done. (again more money)
I do have a pension sitting at only £100,000 but I stopped paying into it the entire period of the marriage - as I said, he was a expense I could ill afford. He could not get a bank account so all loans were taken out in my name only - He also ran up my overdraft and credit card just before he left - while i was in hospital having a mastectomy and too poorly to know any different .
I do not understand why I am in this mess, at the end of the day if I was to pay all my debts there would be no assets. Surely debts should be paid before he gets anything? I am at a loss at the English legal system.
Thank you so much for giving me your time, I realise how precious that is in this busy difficult world.
Life will get better I''m sure.... they say that life is a test - but blimey .... can they leave it out for a little while!
One last point.. I suspected that he was up to no good so I got him to sign a pre nup (before they became legal) he is claiming he did not get legal advice and there was not enough time between signing it and leaving for the holiday where we got married. I even paid for that too.