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Why Can''t I Make A Decision?!?!?!?!?!?

  • Sam72
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16 May 12 #330929 by Sam72
Topic started by Sam72
Afternoon,
Just got back from second Relate meeting. I admitted I was fighting a losing battle and that reluctantly I agreed the marriage was over. I said I wanted to move to spare room, I wanted us to sit down and tell the children together and see where we go from there. I was adamant that I wasn''t prepared to move out because if my stbx moved someone in, I wouldn''t be able to cope with that. A solid plan. now, I''m already having second thoughts. Should I stay in marital bedroom for now? should I just move out? I''m not normally so indecisive. I just can''t see a clear way. Please help me!!!

  • lozzsa21
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16 May 12 #331012 by lozzsa21
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Hi Sam,
You''ve decided quite a lot in one day. Sleep on it. Have a think. It''s such a long road and you''ll constantly wonder if you did the right thing. I did. Take your time and follow your instinct.

Do you think she has someone else? If you move out, is it the best thing for YOU?

Laura x

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16 May 12 #331018 by Sam72
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I''ve moved to spare room. I don''t think she''s seeing anyone else but I didn''t think she''d been having an affair either. I think this is best, certainly short term. It gives me some breathing space, dreading telling my boys tomorrow. Thanks for your post.

  • Lostboy67
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16 May 12 #331019 by Lostboy67
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Hi,
The usual advice is NOT TO MOVE OUT, don''t do it. There are a number of reasons for this, but I am a little tired at the moment, but the advice is what a solicitor would tell you...

LB

  • Carole_previousMARGARET1
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19 May 12 #331676 by Carole_previousMARGARET1
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Hi Sam

I totally understand what its like to not be able to make a decision. Its taken me years to finally end what was never really a happy marriage. I asked stbx to move out as we couldnt continue to live under the same roof, the strain was unbearable.
I am now 2 months in and only in the last week has the feeling that I want to run back to my comfort zone started to diminish.
Like you we share children, although grown up, so its not just ending a marriage its breaking up a family, and the pain of that took me totally by surprise.
If you truely believe your marriage is over, then you have to try and move forward with a plan.From my experience you need time apart to really put your decision to the test.
The worst possible place is to be on the fence. Its not that nice on this side of the decision but its getting easier day by day ans theres a peace I have found in deciding that I havent felt in years.

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22 May 12 #332349 by Sam72
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Thank you. The last two days I''ve felt remarkably calm and decisive. But I''m always worried that that means there''s a blip round the corner. Got third relate session tomorrow which is normally emotional.

  • Lostboy67
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22 May 12 #332353 by Lostboy67
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Hi
In terms of making a decision, you need to get all the information you can first before you descide anything.
Even if you have reached a decision you don''t need to act on it until you are ready, in the mean time work harder than you have ever done on your relationship with your children.

LB

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