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the other woman

  • atalossannie
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18 May 12 #331352 by atalossannie
Topic started by atalossannie
Hi I have just joined as I have just started divorce proceedings against my cheating husband who is seeing a much younger woman than myself. He is blatently still seeing this woman as our situation is quite unique as my son is in the middle of his GCSE''s so we are waiting to tell him when he is finished. My husband is still therefore living at home and seeing this woman at the same time. I just wondered if anyone had any advice about a. how to deal with him seeing her blatently and b. how to stop him from seeing her.
Thanks!
any advice greatly received!!

  • julie321
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18 May 12 #331358 by julie321
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I was in exactly the same situation only it was my daughter doing her exams. I don''t think you can stop him seeing her if he wants to but good for you to protect your daughter at such a difficult time. It was awful for me and it went on for eight weeks but I got through it for her sake. After the exams were over he told her what was going on and left and I was left to pick up the peices. I did it though and she is now taking A levels. Good luck

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18 May 12 #331360 by atalossannie
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Hi thanks!
He actually told me he was leaving in February giving me some cock & bull story about not being happy, wanting to be on his own etc.... but then I found out about this woman about a month ago so I have been in this situation for about 3 months already with another 6 weeks to go!! (not that I''m counting!)

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18 May 12 #331364 by julie321
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You can do it, keep thinking of your daughter and what these exams will mean for her. These individuals are weak and cowardly, lying to cover up what they are really up to. Pathetic really. Keep your chin up, keep your cool if you can and look forward to him being out of your life.

  • Canuck425
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18 May 12 #331434 by Canuck425
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our situation is quite unique

Sigh. Well, sadly, the situations that come through here are alarmingly similar. The threads with affairs always seem to have the same script. While that cannot make you feel better, at least know that a lot of the men and women on here know what you''re talking about.

I too had to live with my wife while she was falling in love with someone else. I was also under radiation treatment at the time so was not in great condition. It was very tough and I do not think I handled it well at all.

I did a few things right though.
1. Get support. I talked to a LOT of people but I was very careful who I told what to. Most people were so ready to support me which was awesome but the ones that knew both of us really didn''t want to get into the details. I was very specific with the kind of support I needed from different individuals. From some I needed to have a laugh. From others I needed them to listen. From others still I needed their opinion. Others I needed them to feed me. etc.

2. Get away. As soon as I was healthy enough I went away on a trip to the sun. Soon after that I went away again to visit family and childhood friends. This was very, very good. Just get away for a few days even. Get some space.

3. Don''t beg, it is as pathetic as it sounds. I had a few bad moments when I was begging her to reconsider. It was pathetic. When she was in the "fantasy bubble" as I like to call it there is no reason that will be considered. You have to realise at that moment, in their minds, everything is going to be amazing. They''ve never been this happy. Never. So let it go. The fantasy will wear off eventually and then you can see where you are.

3. Take care of you. This is the biggest one. Be kind and patient with yourself. Put yourself first. Really first. Not your daughter, but you. It''s like on the airplane when they say put the oxygen mask on you first. You have to take care of you then you will be fit enough to take care of your daughter. This will take time and a lot of hard work. It''s worth it. Why? Because you''re worth it. You. Can you commit to taking care of you?

4. Know that you''ll be more than ok. You''ll be awesome. Honest. The future is not yet written and you have a huge hand in it. The best path forward is making your life great.

You''re in the early days but know that many have come before you. Your story is not unique. In fact, the more I hang out here, the more the stories are all so sickeningly similar.

Take good care!

  • atalossannie
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18 May 12 #331440 by atalossannie
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Thank you!! x

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18 May 12 #331491 by NoWhereToTurnl
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Canuck425
Wow, I would have given anything to have received your advice when I started going through it. Thank you & hope your health is better now x

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