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the other woman

  • Canuck425
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19 May 12 #331510 by Canuck425
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Well, I have learned a lot in the past year. When I tell people about my story and then tell them that it is not hard at all to find huge positives that have come out of it they''re pretty surprised.

I am coming through this stronger. That is a commitment I made to myself. In some ways, I think I was lucky to have the cancer and marriage implosion at the same time. When you have cancer people know what to do. I diverted a lot of the cancer support and used it for emotional support for marriage implosion. It worked.

I have taken a lot of time to learn about myself. To really examine my role in the marriage breakdown. I think this is so important. It would be so easy to be the victim and just complain or feel sorry for myself. I wanted to make sure I was accountable for my role in getting our marriage to the point where she had the affair.

I hate it when people say that time heals all wounds. I don''t buy that. Time may heal the wound but there will be a scar. I do believe that with time and a LOT of work on yourself you can emerge stronger and fitter. But you''ll always have that scar. For me I have the scar literally from my cancer surgery. I feel it every day. The fact that it coincided with the marriage implosion will mean that I have a physical reminder for all of this.

It''s been an interesting year. Not boring for sure. A lot of bad stuff has happened. A lot of crazy stuff too (read my blog from the beginning if you want to have a laugh). But a lot of really good stuff has happened too. I certainly know myself a whole lot better and I am so happy about that. Because I''m a pretty great guy!

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19 May 12 #331518 by yellowrose
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Morning Canuck

Your last phrase about being a pretty great guy.........

From what you have written I think you must be. Why would anyone want to leave you?

So glad you are in such a good place. xxxxx

  • WhiteRose
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19 May 12 #331519 by WhiteRose
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Canuck425 wrote:

Well, I have learned a lot in the past year. When I tell people about my story and then tell them that it is not hard at all to find huge positives that have come out of it they''re pretty surprised.

I am coming through this stronger. That is a commitment I made to myself. In some ways, I think I was lucky to have the cancer and marriage implosion at the same time. When you have cancer people know what to do. I diverted a lot of the cancer support and used it for emotional support for marriage implosion. It worked.

I have taken a lot of time to learn about myself. To really examine my role in the marriage breakdown. I think this is so important. It would be so easy to be the victim and just complain or feel sorry for myself. I wanted to make sure I was accountable for my role in getting our marriage to the point where she had the affair.

I hate it when people say that time heals all wounds. I don''t buy that. Time may heal the wound but there will be a scar. I do believe that with time and a LOT of work on yourself you can emerge stronger and fitter. But you''ll always have that scar. For me I have the scar literally from my cancer surgery. I feel it every day. The fact that it coincided with the marriage implosion will mean that I have a physical reminder for all of this.

It''s been an interesting year. Not boring for sure. A lot of bad stuff has happened. A lot of crazy stuff too (read my blog from the beginning if you want to have a laugh). But a lot of really good stuff has happened too. I certainly know myself a whole lot better and I am so happy about that. Because I''m a pretty great guy!

Incredible and insightful words Canuck! :)

  • Marshy_
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19 May 12 #331672 by Marshy_
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You cant stop him seeing her. I can understand that you dont want to mess with yr sons GCSE''s. Thats a given. But does your son know what is going on?

Its all a balance right? On the one hand you have this man behaving badly and stuffing his family down the toilet. On the other hand, you are trying to stop him for your sons sake. And in the middle? Yr son sits.

Of course you have choices. You could boot yr husband out. Perhaps that is what you should do. But of course, you dont want to spoil yr sons chances. But chances are that yr son knows what is going on and yr ex being there is actually hampering your son whereas yr husband not being there may make yr sons chances better.

But what todo? My belief is that we should always be honest. And if someone is not honest with me, if they are trying to protect me or not, this narks me. Yr son may feel the same. He knows what is going on and he is narked by the fact that you dont respect him enough to tell him straight. Of course your son needs to be mature enough to deal with this. Only you can be the judge of that.

I remember a time when I was about 16. I was about to join the army and my sister was having problems with her then husband. But my folks didnt tell me. They didnt value me enough or trust me enough or think I was mature enough to handle it. It was ok for me to fight for my country. But tell me my sis had marriage problems. Nope. And as I said, this upset me.

I am not telling you what todo. Just giving you food for thought. Have a think about what I have said and the others of course. We all have valid views. Hope it all works out and my heart goes out to you during this tough time. C.

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