I have been reading all of the posts for some time now and have finally plucked up the courage to ask for advice.
My husband had numerous affairs over our 19year marriage, the last one being over 3 years. He finally told me and I asked him to leave. He now lives with OW. We have 4 children 18,15,11 and 9 who live with me. He sees 3 younger ones approx once a fortnight for 2 nights if it fits in with his work and social schedule. He does not get along with my eldest who was never treated very well by him. I arranged counselling for eldest son, husband and me to try and fix their relationship, but husband was unable to keep his temper and stormed out - he didn''t feel his affair had any relevance. My husband initially wanted me to keep everything going as normal while he tried out his new life - I contacted solicitor and filed for divorce after a few months. He became very angry and I had a few months of intimidation - shouting, false accusations and bringing OW into my home, asking my son to steal things for him etc. Now he is taking me to court as I didn''t accept his settlement offer within his time limit. I have tried so hard to do everything right, only saying nice things about him to the children, not rising to the bait when he tries to intimidate me etc and have been trying to reach a settlement through our solicitors. I am very worried that he will tell lies about me in court, as he seems to think this is all my fault and is out to punish me. His main gripe seems to be the loss of his home and he wants us out of it ASAP. Sorry this is so long!
hi! i think your husband may be a narsisstic if i where you i would get on the internet and read as much as you can that way you will know what you are dealing. my ex is one and i am taking him to court he lies about everything get as much proof about any lies he is saying so you can prove he is lying.
Hi Little Leigh
Well done on plucking up the courage to finally ask for some help.
I''m presuming that your husband is taking you to court to settle your finances.
I have just been to court for interim maintenance and am back again in July for the rest. I can tell you that in my experience of the court , the judge was only interested in the facts and figures in front of him. There was no room for lies as he based his judgement on the facts.
I understand where you are coming from as my stbx has never got on with our son, only favouring our daughter. We never did the counselling thing, stbx would never have entertained the idea so my son and I have just kind of counselled each other in many ways, just be being there for each other I guess.
Anyway, back to your post, again, you and i are similar in that I am certain that my divorce will end up in a final hearing, having had the FDR and getting nowhere really. But I have done nothing but tell the truth and stbx has tried to character assasanate me with his hot shot London Barrister but I am convinced that his attitude will not come across well in Court, he is lying and i am not. The Judge will suss him pretty quickly I am certain and i think you will find you will be in exactly the same situation. Keep on telling the truth and let him dig his own hole to crawl into.
Bullies are not so hard and clever when they cannot control the situation and as one of the lovely Wiki''s said to me, once you get into court the mucking about stops - i think your stbx will soon get a wake up call
Thank you all for your kind words of support.
I have calmed down now and can see things in a more detached way. I am going to let my head rule my heart and use logic and truth to get me through the court process. I am actually very lucky because I have the support of my family. I always thought that I would have no support if I told anyone about my husband''s behaviour - I couldn''t have been more wrong.