Hi mate- loads to say to you, but don''t know where to begin! Really feel for you. Your an expert boarder, so please forgive me if any of this sounds crap, its just my experience.
I totally relate to your comments, especially the bit about how she waltzes around full of the joys of spring- very similar to my situation (see my background story)- its sometimes like having Mary bloody Poppins around when she picks up the kids! I have describes as having a clown at a funeral. Convinced its all an act though to allow her to think that whats happened is ok. Have seen my stbx''s face book page stating how she has met the love of her life again after 31 years, and seen sister in laws comments about it being the start of the rest of her life, and "family hug". Feeling betrayed by the extended family too, after all the years we have know each other. As friend said the other day though- why the need to tell everyone in public- who is she trying to convince?
Its been as though there has been a race that I didn''t even know about- everyone''s run off miles ahead and I''ve just arrived at the starting blocks! There seems so much to do and I''m clueless- a whole life to build again, as well as dealing with the past.
Sorry, I forgot, its your thread, but if nothing else, we seem to be in the same boat, along with many, many others if that''s any help.There is no immediate answer to it all as I''m sure you know deep down, so won''t insult your intelligence. I just focus on whats been said on Wiki by older "students" and read them again and again if needed-trying to find the thread that will bring a crumb of comfort at that particular time. Also, life is generally a long race- many corners to turn and its a fact that no one knows whats round the corner- that goes for ex''s lives too- I''m sure like me you probably always imagine the ex having a wonderful time with new life etc., but its not that way, it never is, deep down you know that. Mine let slip a few weeks ago that her life wasn''t a bed of roses- 6 mouths to feed instead of, well, none, as I did the cooking. Also living hand to mouth (but I do pay my 20%), and she lives with a new wealthy partner.
I''m terrified of the future too- gone from being the family "lion" and defender to frightened mouse. I have tried to explain this to friends, but they just don''t get it- you have to have been through it to really understand it. In the early days ie 6-8 months ago, I was even scared of being alone in the house on my own- every noise at night would scare me to death- hard for a 44 year old man to admit. Its taken 6 months just to get past that stage! I''m frightened because I feel old and can''t visualise what the future is going to be like- emotionally dead inside at times, can''t imagine being with anyone ever again, house is nearly sold and will have to decide where to start again- all these decisions to be made on my own, when I wouldn''t trust me to decide where to go on holiday!
Sorry- this isn''t helping you! Like I say, everything the Wiki folk have said about the various stages we will go through has come true for me, even if not always to a timescale, so I have no doubt that we will both emerge eventually from this as smarter, stronger, and wiser people with a wonderful future. Just keep reading, tomorrow''s another day on the roller coaster as you know, and don''t be afraid of crying.
I think we can all relate totally to what you are going through - we''ve all been there. Dr M''s reply is so heartfelt and the fears and anxieties he refers to have been felt by us all. I will say though that although we all slip back into the gibbering wrecks that we once were, fearful for our sanity and our futures we would all do well to heed Marshy''s advice
''survive this and show her what you can do without her''
It isn''t easy and sometimes I think we all feel we can''t carry on, but we must and if we can achieve what Marshy advocates we will be O.K in the end.
I have to break the option you won''t want to hear.
I wouldn''t be surprised at all if she''s got matey boy there helping with the move in at the new house end at all.
You will have that kick in the nads to have to contend with yet.
Believe me adulterous women are the most insensitive creatures on the planet.
One good thing you are getting divorced.
Ok so the kids are moving there too.
Don''t mean you have to be a fecking martyr and help her move IF she does ask that is.
I doubt she will.She''ll be all cosied up with the new beau and the kids before you can say Jack Robinson.
I concur it is without doubt going to be one of the most humiliating degrading upsetting experiences of your life.
You''ll be sitting on your own life as you know it completely deconstructed by her.Her all playing happy families with the kids and new fella.You sitting on your own ruined.
Still on the bright side once you then come to the realisation in life that all you do have is yourself.If you don''t top yourself after that every day has to get a bit better.
It''ll drive you nuts when you have to pay her 75% of everything for fecking you over too.
That''s called a Consent Order deep joy.
All the best