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Panic attacks and so sad...

  • sun flower
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04 Jun 12 #335037 by sun flower
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Tell your children - not the details - but that you are splitting ...up to you if you tell them he has been unfaithful - I think the wiki jury is out on that one......but tell them and your friends - you are going to need them. Who are you protecting - him? Or is it denial - don''t look and the monster won''t be there....I''m afraid you are going to have to face this awful monster to deal with it, diminish it, and one day, a long long way from here vanquish it.
First step though, admit it to yourself, kids and friends....we are here for you.

  • Crumpled
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04 Jun 12 #335044 by Crumpled
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Hi Maureen dont put yourself through the pain of having the party and pretending all is ok.
Now is the time to put your needs first you must take time to think and get to grips with the shock of all of this.
If you want to tell your friends what is happening do this if they are real friends they will understand and support you or if you dont feel ready to let anyone know yet just say you are too sick to have every one over...
I tried to put a brave face on to everyone and kept everything secret and bottled up and it doesnt help it just adds to the pressure on yourself.......
put yourself first(i found this an alien thing as i had always put myself last)
you need the strength to get you and your children through this......lots of love

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04 Jun 12 #335049 by Maureen43
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The solution has been found. I am leaving my stbx to entertain and I am going out to see a "sick relative in hospital".

I feel better already......

He doesn''t.........

Thanks again for all the warmth and kind replies. So much appreciated.

  • Canuck425
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04 Jun 12 #335064 by Canuck425
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The solution has been found

Glad you feel better and are beginning to take care of yourself. You know this is not a solution but a temporary work around. When are you two going to sit down and work out a communication plan to tell your kids and others? You need to do this to get the support you need...

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05 Jun 12 #335098 by Maureen43
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We have a weekend planned when there are no other interruptions (1st weekend in July) when we are going to tell the children. We are writing a script which we will learn off by heart and split between us. The idea is that we can be here for questions all weekend.
Hopefully (this is about 3.5 weeks) away we will have more certainties to tell them then i.e. when Dad is moving out.
On the Sunday we will contact our friends, and parents of their friends, to tell them what is going on. On the Monday morning we will ring their school to tell them.
In the meantime thankfully no more social engagements in the diary to negotiate, but it will still be hard when we come in to contact with friends who we can''t tell yet.
It is our best plan though.

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07 Jun 12 #335561 by Maureen43
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Change of plan as we think children are picking up on the unhappy vibes.

We are going to tell them (in the way I described in my previous post) this Saturday.

Am getting anxiety attacks at the very thought - my poor children - absolutely dreading it.

Does anyone have any other advice on doing this awful thing?

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07 Jun 12 #335581 by yellowrose
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You need to be honest without detail. You need to let them know that you both love them dearly and always will. You need to let them know that this is about you and him and that they are nothing to do with it. You need to let them know that they will be O.k. Beyond that you can only deal with the way they react and improvise but whatever happens NEVER lie.

My heart goes out to you.

Good luck. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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