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Panic attacks and so sad...

  • teecher
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29 May 12 #333854 by teecher
Reply from teecher
Hi Maureen,
There''s no quick fix to loving someone.:(
You sound like you''re still in shock and you need to be kind to yourself.
Sometimes our lives change and it is easy to feel that we have lost all control- try to look after yourself and speak to friends/doc/or on here for support.
Believe me -it does get better.

  • afonleas
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29 May 12 #333867 by afonleas
Reply from afonleas
you are not alone in your feeling we all feel like this at the beginning and throughout,but as you have been advised above go and see your gp that''s what they are there for,my gp was not reknown for her bedside manner but when i went in my darktimes she was great and we have since built up a great rapport and i told her all which helped me,i could only describe the feeling as though my heart was breaking and i think it was but it is slowly healing.
We all experiance differant feelings and levels of hurt and besides this you have the other issues to contend with so in the first instance go to your gp and some counselling,remember you have done nothing wrong only thing you are guilty of is loving him someone who does not deserve your love.
It is really early days and you have a long road ahead but we are all here for you both day and night to laugh with and to cry with and to offer uncondtional support.
Noone can take away the pain you are feeling even anti depressents only numb the pain i believe you have to through some pain to get strong and let it all go,and it will sometime i''m still struggling with mine but i know i''m better without that lying ***** in my life and so will you,concentrate on yourself and your children and look for all the support you need from your nearest and dearest don''t try to run before you can walk something i done (not good for you)contact all the relevant agencys regarding money you don''twant to be worrying about that also andi''m sure there is loads of help for you, but most importantly look after yourself put yourself first for a change and start loving you THAT WONDERFUL PERSON THAT YOU ARE
Please call your gp tomorrow morning and get an appointment that''s your first port of call and together we will sort out the other stuff you are not alone remember this.
i''m sending you smiles and loads of welsh cwtches please take carexx:)

  • julesgy
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29 May 12 #333870 by julesgy
Reply from julesgy
hi maureen

so sorry to hear what youre going through all i can say is ive been there too and this site has helped me heaps - ive recently received divorce petition and deep down i dont want a divorce but for my future happiness and well being im going through with it follow what the others have said and go see your dr. i was first put on tablets for stress (the doc said to help me get through the days ) now on ad and they have helped me. i never thougt for one minute that i would survive but i have.
some days i just read the posts and answers to help me but theres one thing for sure theres always someone that will help you on here
big hugs
take care


  • Crumpled
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29 May 12 #333881 by Crumpled
Reply from Crumpled
Hi Maureen I so feel for you I love my husband as well we have been together 30 years so it is so hard to reconcile this new person that we dont recognise with the one we loved so much....
it is early days dont think too much about the next steps there is time for all of that
try not to rush into anything take some time to get over the initial shock
take care of yourself

  • Maureen43
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01 Jun 12 #334441 by Maureen43
Reply from Maureen43
I just feels very strange. I am initiating the divorce but I do still love him, I simply can''t live with his "other side" any more.

I hurt so badly all the time.I can''t imagine ever loving anyone as much as I love him.

  • hawaythelads
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01 Jun 12 #334451 by hawaythelads
Reply from hawaythelads
I feel so sad for you.
You''re obviously a very nice lady who lacks any confidence whatsoever.
If you was watching this scenario on the Jeremy Kyle show and some poor lady had just found out that her husband had been participating in orgies and having sex with both genders and then her self esteem and confidence was so low that she said
"BUT I STILL LOVE HIM" You''d be like Jesus wept what is the matter with her.

Maureen believe me your husband is a grade A xxxx end of.
Good on you gal get shot of him.He''s an Absolute low life lacking any moral fibre whatsoever and a sexual deviant.
For all I care people can swing from a chandelier in a latex gimp outfit if they are single or married even but open and honest about it.
I never like the secretive side myself that''s where I mean deviant.I worry about people who hide things.
Get shot the blokes a wrong un.
Don''t worry about the finances.
If you keep the kids you''ll get about 70% of any marital assets.If it''s a council house you and the kids will stay he will have to move out.
The government is there to help people like you they won''t see you on the street homeless.
Don''t settle for this relationship, just because you lack confidence.
You don''t carry on like he is if it''s love.
All the best
Pete xx

  • Shoegirl
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01 Jun 12 #334453 by Shoegirl
Reply from Shoegirl
I''m sorry you find yourself in this nightmare.

I had a very similar experience with my Stbx. Difference is that I have been separated for over 18 months now and can tell you it gets better.

A word on this type of compulsive behaviour from your husband first. Projecting their problems on to you is a common trait. So what I mean by that is you can be told its your fault etc etc.. Just in case, you are experiencing this, none of this is your fault. He would have been doing the same things no matter who he was married to.

This type of betrayal is enormously painful. It can lead you to question whether anything was real. The best advice I can given you from someone who has been there is to try really hard not to make sense of his behaviour at first. Your focus needs to be getting through the days and long nights taking care of yourself and the kids. On the community tab under depression and stress there is a thread at the top called surviving the first few weeks. I wrote that over a year ago and the advice still might be useful.

You do need to see your doctor as others have advised but I would add one thing. Think about counselling too, as the type of deception you have encountered causes massive trauma. Try to see a CSAT therapist who has experience of working with the spouses of people with compulsive sexual behaviour issues.

I''m guessing you have been through a lot with this man over the years and feel like you have had everything thrown back in your face. When you move through the shell shocked pain, you will begin to see there are many of us just like you who have experienced patterns of behaviour from our spouses which are remarkably similar.

As for being alone, I too had similar fears. Really, I was beyond terrified. I can say that over time this has changed and I''m happier than I have been in a long time. So, try not to focus too much on the long term future for now, but be reassured that there are many who have trodden this path before you and have survived then thrived.

Take care and keep posting. It helps.

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