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Letting go

  • celia_b_792
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02 Jun 12 #334754 by celia_b_792
Topic started by celia_b_792
Hi, I''ve been seperated for 16 months and still struggling to let go. I walked out 16 months ago, struggling with finances and lack of support. Married 8 years together 15 years. He had an affair when our son was a baby, and the mistress rang me up because he''d finished with her. We moved, and he started the affair with her again. I found out again and we moved back. He changed jobs and had an affair with another woman, her husband sent me a letter. The last two years we were together were financially difficult,his job was not stable, i worked overtime and for xmas i took a second job. in the new year of 2011, i had had enough and walked out, hoping he would actually follow me and say this is stupid we can sort it out but he didn''t stop me and i continued to walk hurt that this time I needed him to put me first but he just let me. This last year I have found a new home for me and the children, declared myself bankrupt, found a lump in my throat which was operated on and removed, then diagnosed as cancer - not life threatening, problems with work also were effected, i suffer migraines- i had a variant migraine which left me temporarily paralysed and was very scary. I''m ok now. Now I''m dealing with my marriage breakup but he''s moved on to another woman. I struggle because I still love him and feel we had so much he says he loves me and cares for me but not in love with me, just wants me to be happy and us to be friends because of our son. friends and family are now saying to me I should have moved on by now and let go so I''ve stopped talking to them. hence this site. thank you for reading.:S

  • leftwondering
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02 Jun 12 #334757 by leftwondering
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Celia.

I still love him and feel we had so much he says he loves me and cares for me


My saying of the month is that of someone truly loves you, they will move heaven and earth to be with you.

Most of us on this site have been guilty to having an honest and open heart which has been torn apart by someone of lower moral standards.

We didn''t know that at the time.
We believed their "honesty" and gave our hearts to them when they felt like "settling down".

Sadly we never knew ALL of their personality and the secret stuff they kept hidden from us as we looked the best deal at the time to them.

Once they got comfortable, they indulged in another life to get the selfish max (or so they think) out of things, whilst having a secure backup.

They are in RainbowLand IMO.

One day they are gonna wake up and realize the rainbow has gone and only heavy rain and thunderstorms ahead.

They will then scramble to get under your umbrella again.

But tell ''em to piss off and get their own shelter.

The love you take is equal to the love you make.

And their account is drastically overdrawn.

cheers,

LW

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02 Jun 12 #334765 by sun flower
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Sorry, I am not feeling too well this evening so I will need to keep it short......but I just wanted to welcome you - and say what an awful time you have had of it. I do hope your fortunes turn around soon. You have done brilliantly to get through all of this. Well done for finding us

  • Canuck425
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03 Jun 12 #334781 by Canuck425
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Others will comment on parts of your post I am sure. It''s late for me right now so I''ll be brief.

This struck me:

friends and family are now saying to me I should have moved on by now and let go so I''ve stopped talking to them


A few things.

1. Don''t let anyone make you feel like you should be moving faster or slower than you are. You get to set that pace. Nobody else.

2. Make sure you have people to talk to. This board is great, and people here really care. Don''t write off your friends and family too quickly. It''s been my experience that people can surprise you and step up in the most amazing ways. Sometimes you just have to ask and be very specific.

Good luck!

  • afonleas
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03 Jun 12 #334784 by afonleas
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You decide when to move on!
You have been through such an emotional
roller coaster both with the breakup and
your health problems it''s no wonder you are
struggling,:(
Looks like you not been dealt a good hand
at the present moment but you are certainly
among friends now and the amazin words of wisdom really do help, loads of wikis still here were the pioneers for the rest of us and still support us even though they now the other side and at peace with their selves.
Only say welcome to you and take each day as it comes we are not in a race to the finish.
xx

  • sim5355
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03 Jun 12 #334786 by sim5355
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hi! welcome
I am going to be honest with you he sounds like a narsisstic which means that he only loves himself.Iwould not worry too much what other people say about moving on as everybody is different .

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