A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.

The strength to last 9 weeks

  • sadbuthopeful
  • sadbuthopeful's Avatar Posted by
  • New Member
  • New Member
02 Jun 12 #334756 by sadbuthopeful
Topic started by sadbuthopeful

I have been married for 6 years, but it has been over for the last two for a whole catalogue of reasons. He just won''t let me go. He has controlled everything, but now, as the only earner in the house for the last three years I have taken control and ended it. I have accepted a job at the other side of the world and will be leaving in 9 weeks.

I just need to find the strength to last that long under the same roof. We have no children, I pay for everything and I do everything around the house.

He either acts like nothing has happened, or he picks a fight about a small trivial issue which escalates into a huge argument and he calls me names.

I resent him and dislike his behaviour, but have offered to support him financially.

I am however not sure I can tolerate nine more weeks of him being up and down, one minute behaving like nothing is wrong, the next calling me names and accusing me of lying.

He had a nervous breakdown over 3 years ago, and for the first year I supported him so much. I then found out that he''d been having an online sexual relationship with a woman half my age and anorexic (I too was suffering from a recurring eating disorder at the time due to the stress of trying to look after him and all the financial pressure). I left him, but somehow he managed to cling on, despite me trying to end the relationship.

I have walked out twice since then, but came back as I felt resentful about paying all of the bills for a house I wasn''t living in, but in January I applied for and got a job in Asia.

I feel positive about the future I see without him, but I know the next 9 weeks will be so hard.

Sorry for rambling. My friends and family know bits of the story, but nobody knows it all except me.

Anyway, hi. Sorry, and thanks to anyone who reads this. Just writing it has helped.


  • Lostboy67
  • Lostboy67's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
02 Jun 12 #334758 by Lostboy67
Reply from Lostboy67
Welcome to wiki, but sorry you find yourself here.
You need to keep yourself together for 9 weeks but in the context of what you have been through that should be do-able.
Try as much as possible to avoid as much contact as possible be that going out with friends or even working late if that is an option. If he does try to engineer arguments just don''t rise to it, I know that is easier said than done, leave the room or even the house at the first signs of trouble.

Take care

  • dukey
  • dukey's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
02 Jun 12 #334759 by dukey
Reply from dukey
I have read many find writing helpful if it works for you then write away, have you thought about divorce, or are you hoping maybe in time you can work things out, maybe even talking with a counselor or relate, just a thought, welcome to wiki by the way, we all hope you find the site of some help.

  • fairylandtime
  • fairylandtime's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
02 Jun 12 #334761 by fairylandtime
Reply from fairylandtime
Hi there sbh

As lost boy says try to keep busy, keep out of the way, gym, work, walking whatever & the time will fly by.

Good luck JJx

  • sadbuthopeful
  • sadbuthopeful's Avatar Posted by
  • New Member
  • New Member
02 Jun 12 #334769 by sadbuthopeful
Reply from sadbuthopeful
Thank you. I am trying to stay out of the way. Thankfully I have family and some lovely friends nearby.

I really appreciate all of your comments

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11