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  • amanda.northants
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07 Jun 12 #335595 by amanda.northants
Topic started by amanda.northants
just needed to let off some steam,

im new here, and recently (apx 7 weeks) separated, and having a hard time adjusting to it.
but thats understandable; my ex is playing mind-games.
i was coping well with separating, but when ex started to open his eyes and see how well i was doing without him he wanted to try to work things out.
now i am madly, deeply in love with my husband and do not want to be without him, so of course i said yes.
then we start sleeping together, and now he keeps ignoring my phone calls and texts, but when i stop texting him his messages how much he misses me. and of course i fall for it,
but then when he phones they kids he wont even ask how i am, and will hang up before i get a chance to say anything.

but if i start to get funny about it (sorry but i think im right to) then he acts all hard-done-by and blames me for hounding him and pushing things too fast.

but then he still wants to pick me up and put me down when he wants me.

i have NO ONE ELSE. i have no friends and no family - just him and the kids, so when im stressed and need someone to talk to its him, because thats all i have.

now today, i have a row with my neighbour, who is also hubbys boss, and he is completely putting me down to him, and i get the impression im being used.

maybe i am, but i can not imagine life without him.

i know most of you reading this are thinking- depression, and your right, i am trying to get help for that, but i also have mobility problems, am currently awaiting surgery on my back, so the depression wont ease until thats sorted.
but its also a reason i need my husband - for helping when i cant move, and for after surgery.
that may read like im using him, and maybe to an extent i am, but i want him in my life.

i feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, completely hurt and alone, i dont know what i can do. i want my marriage to work, but real feel like he doesnt love me.

  • flowerofscotland
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07 Jun 12 #335602 by flowerofscotland
Reply from flowerofscotland
Hi amanda.northants,

Hello and a very warm welcome to a land of complete understanding.

You have to think of NO 1 during this time and it does take time. There is lots of support and advice here when you need it.

I totally get the lack of friends and family bit, it is hard but a new life will happen one day when you are strong enough to get rid of this man who is not fit to lace your boots!

Take care for now FoS x

  • leftwondering
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07 Jun 12 #335603 by leftwondering
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Amanda,

I have no one else either. No family. No real close friends.
A lot of us are in the same position.

Your husband is not treating you right.

Get back to doing well without him and the next time he comes back tell him to take a hike.

You are NOT in love with him.

You are in love with the person you thought he was.

Anybody can let themselves slide into anything.
Drug abuse...alcoholism... gambling...cheating etc.

All the easy cheap thrills in life.

The calibre of the person is in choosing NOT to do those things.

Don''t bother about him. You are ten times the person he is now.

Take care of YOURSELF and you''ll be OK in the end.

There will be some girls along shortly who will be able to relate to your situation.

cheers,

LW

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07 Jun 12 #335605 by afonleas
Reply from afonleas
Hi amanda,
Welcome to our crazy world
you are now with friends who care.

So another pr==k who thinks he can run riot with your emotions,reading our posts you will see you are not alone in that, but also you will see the other side that there are genuine men out there who hurt just as much as us only we never found those we found the pr==ks.

You will find loads of advice and emotional support from all of usand someone is always willing for you to have a rant.

So once again welcome
luv and cwtchs ......afon

  • Crumpled
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08 Jun 12 #335630 by Crumpled
Reply from Crumpled
Hi Amanda Im so sorry you are having to post on here but at the same time you will get lots of support and advice from people who fully understand your situation so you are not alone.
I love my husband as well and i understand that as well but as many wise wikis have written to me look at your husbands actions not his words
You need to look after yourself and put yourself first at the moment.
big hugs

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08 Jun 12 #335631 by Crumpled
Reply from Crumpled
Hi Amanda Im so sorry you are having to post on here but at the same time you will get lots of support and advice from people who fully understand your situation so you are not alone.
I love my husband as well and i understand that as well but as many wise wikis have written to me look at your husbands actions not his words
You need to look after yourself and put yourself first at the moment.
big hugs

  • Canuck425
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08 Jun 12 #335766 by Canuck425
Reply from Canuck425
It sounds to me like there is a very good chance he has another woman in his life. That would explain pretty much all of his actions. He would feel guilty for what he has done but also blame you to justify his actions. You might want to get ready for the possibility of that revelation.

However, that really doesn''t change anything about your situation.

i have NO ONE ELSE. i have no friends and no family

This is a problem and one you have to fix. You need support to get through this. People are amazing and you will find that as you find yourself and open up that new people will come into your life in a very meaningful way.

The future is not yet written and you have a HUGE say in your life. Take a look into yourself and start to determine why you let yourself be treated this way. Why was it ok with you to have no friends and no life outside the family?

Now, you must make yourself the number one priority. Really put yourself and your interests first. This is incredibly hard, especially if you have kids. But I think it is very important.

Good luck!

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