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Hello, looking for advice for my sister

  • Nefertari
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10 Jun 12 #335953 by Nefertari
Topic started by Nefertari
I''ve been divorced (and happy) for 10 years now but my sister''s situation is a little different to mine.

They have been married for around 20 years with no children.

she told him 10 days ago that the marriage was over and she was divorcing him. they own their own house with no mortgage.

To say that her husband hasn''t taken it well is an understatement. I appreciate that he''s upset, but not surprised since they''ve considered separating many times.

His behaviour though since the news has been up and down. Lots of shouting, threats etc. I read in one of the forum posts about partners not being violent or abusive and wondered if there was some offical advice I could pass on to her about how to handle this? Last night i had several texts from her worried that he might hit her. she almost called the police. I told her to ring them if it looked likely?

I live about 200 miles away so my help has to be over the phone/internet for the moment.

Thank you for reading

  • sim5355
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10 Jun 12 #335958 by sim5355
Reply from sim5355
hi! if she feels threatened call the police, and if it carries on get a restraining order against him,at the end of the day she has a choice and he does not like her having the choice so starts throwing the toys out of the pram.xx

  • PetalsInTheWind
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10 Jun 12 #335959 by PetalsInTheWind
Reply from PetalsInTheWind
Many women (approximately 37%) continue to experience violence and/or harassment (for example stalking, constant phone calls etc) after they have ended an abusive relationship. Half of all domestic violence murders occur at the point at which a woman tries to leave an abusive partner, or in the 2 to 3 months following the end of the relationship.
Having ended what was mainly an emotionally abusive relationship my husband started to become very scary. I ignored my fears and dismissed them as me being irrational. I believed my husband wouldn''t really hurt me badly. If she is really scared she should listen to her fears and take steps to ensure her safety. One simple step I wish I had taken was putting a lock on the bedroom door so that I would have somewhere safe to go. I was scared doing this would anger him. Please ask her to take this one simple step.

  • Nefertari
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10 Jun 12 #335960 by Nefertari
Reply from Nefertari
Thank you both for responding so quickly.

she was thinking about putting a lock on her bedroom door so will tell her to go ahead and do that.

He is also rifling through her things when she is out shopping etc. I forewarned her that this might happen as it did to me.

a bathroom type lock isn''t going to help in this situation, but i have advised her to hide and lock away any important documents. same with the laptop, he''s not computer literate fortunately so keylogging is not likely.

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