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Never wanted this

  • lostandonthesofa
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11 Jun 12 #336105 by lostandonthesofa
Topic started by lostandonthesofa
Hi All,

Intro to my position,

Last week my wife told me she didn''t want to be married any more, she said I knew she wasn''t that type of person, nore did she want to answer to someone. It hit my like a bolt, I was nearly sick.
She eventaully told me I am controlling and she can''t be her with me around.
Then she went on to tell me I am always in her face.

Its better if I leave she said, I was completely stunned, we have 2 children whom I cannot imagine leaving and only 3 days before I sent my wife a card telling her how much I loved and appreciated her.
We had had a conversation about sex on the sunday when she said to me we are never doing that again.. and she really wasnt joking.

Shes constantly texting someone, and shes been more and more distance over the last few months since around march I guess.

I look at this and can only think shes laughing at me.

I now sleep on the sofa in my house, and I don''t know why. I have noone to turn to and have no idea what I can do.

I love my family with all my heart.

  • Canuck425
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11 Jun 12 #336107 by Canuck425
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oh boy. I''m on the run and I don''t have time to post thoughtfully.

Real quick.

1. There is someone else in her life and she is in the "affair bubble". Nothing is more exciting to her than the other man. He is just super amazing.

2. Move slow. No sudden movements. Don''t leave the house, you''re in shock.

3. Get support. Talk to some people you trust. Get a therapist, you''re going to need it!

4. Take a deep breath. You will get through this. It''ll stink but you''ll get there.

5. Talk to a lawyer. Now.

Read my blog for a bit if you want to see how I''ve come through so far. I''m getting there...

  • pixy
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11 Jun 12 #336111 by pixy
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Welcome. You are in shock and will be for some time so don''t make any rash decisions.

As Canuck says this is fairly typical behaviour for someone who is having an affair (and pretending not to).

You will slowly come to realise that there is almost a template for this sort of situation. Everything will be your fault; your behaviour ''forced'' her to seek solace elsewhere. This is nonsense - she is almost ceertainly having some sort of crisis and thinks the problem is anywhere but in herself.

You will spend a lot of time believing/hoping that she will come to her senses and realise that the grass is not greener elsewhere. The journey towards realisation that things really are over will be the longest and toughest you have ever made.


You are in the right place for emotional and practical support. We''ve all been there; we know just what you are going through.

Explore the site - but above all look after yourself.

((()))

  • lostandonthesofa
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11 Jun 12 #336117 by lostandonthesofa
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Why is it everyone knows shes cheating and I didn''t see it.

Just to show you how bone idle I am;

Few months back she started texting alot.
Then she started taking the Pill again, under a holiday pretence.
The condoms in her draw dissapeared.
She wont go near me / wouldn''t.
Never asked how I am.
Stopped saying please or thank you.

Should I confront her with any of this?

Can I sleep in my bed or shoudl I stay on the sofa

And what do I need to lawyer for, what cna they do for me?

  • Lostboy67
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11 Jun 12 #336124 by Lostboy67
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lostandonthesofa wrote:

Why is it everyone knows shes cheating and I didn''t see it.


Well a lot of us here have been in your shoes one way or another. We don''t know your s2bx so we don''t have to think well of her.

Just to show you how bone idle I am;

Few months back she started texting alot.
Then she started taking the Pill again, under a holiday pretence.
The condoms in her draw dissapeared.
She wont go near me / wouldn''t.
Never asked how I am.
Stopped saying please or thank you.

Should I confront her with any of this?


You weren''t being idle perhaps you just didn''t read the signs or though trust didn''t think the worst.
Don''t confront her it will do you no good, you might get an answer but chances are it''ll be lies, and either way its likley you will be blamed for the situation.

Can I sleep in my bed or shoudl I stay on the sofa

And what do I need to lawyer for, what cna they do for me?


Well the best advice I can offer is this
Don''t move out, if you do you may seriously damage your position going forward. Of course its better for her if you leave.
Don''t rise to any argument, don''t lose you cool, don''t shout, you''ll just end up with with the fuzz round and occupation order on you.

LB

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11 Jun 12 #336125 by pixy
Reply from pixy
Of course you didn''t see it - you trusted her. You probably can''t even believe what we are saying to you now. Your spouse is the one person above all others in whom you should be able to have complete and utter trust.

As for why a lawyer, well initially you can get some advice here if you post the following information.

Your respective ages;

The number of children you have and their ages;

How many nights the children spend with each parent;

The length of your marriage and any period of pre marriage cohabitation;

Your respective incomes;

Your respective outgoings;

Your assets - both solely held and joint;

Your liabilities.

  • lostandonthesofa
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11 Jun 12 #336130 by lostandonthesofa
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Thats alot of questions I will get some data to you.

I have a nasty thought, its only a matter of time before she brings this person to the house.
Is their any laws where I can stop this or maybe use other types of enforcement?

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