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  • pauline123
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04 Jul 12 #341039 by pauline123
Topic started by pauline123
Don''t know where to start completely new to all this, feel like my life is now a dreadful soap opera so here goes...

My name is Pauline I have 2 children my husband left us 6months ago when I threw him out after learning he was having an affair.
Its up and down, one minute Im strong and together and trying the best I can to keep life normal for my children allowing husband regular access and encouraging them to build a good relationship with their Dad the next I''m down the lowest I''ve ever been and cry for days on end. I consider taking him back as right now despite knowing I deserve better and won''t be happier it seems the easiest option as there is far too much to sort out and I keep hitting brick walls.

Need some advice
Please help

  • pixy
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04 Jul 12 #341042 by pixy
Reply from pixy
The essential question is, can you ever trust him again? There are several wikis, myself incuded, who forgave only to be betrayed again.

The chances are that your husband is having some kind of personal crisis and that he hopes/believes that a new relationship will solve it for him. It won''t.

Only you can know what to do. Whatever you decide your new wiki friends will be here to support you through it.


  • sillywoman
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04 Jul 12 #341050 by sillywoman
Reply from sillywoman
Have you heard the saying "once a cheat, always a cheat"?

It applied to my ex. I continued having him back and forgiving him believing he was true to his work "hands up I will never hurt you again" and "you couldn''t cope without me".

Divorced him eventually and wish I had earlier, well I think I do.

But anyway divorced now and couldn''t be happier and although girls don''t see their dad (his choice) they seem much happier than being with a mother and father where clearly their mother was distraught and the father was a bully, a cheat, violent oh and the rest!

I would never have my ex back if the worlds population depended upon it! But it took me years to get to this point.

  • Action
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04 Jul 12 #341052 by Action
Reply from Action
Don''t settle for the easy option. The divorce process is Absolute hell but you can get through it. Don''t compromise your future happiness and share the rest of your life with someone you don''t trust or respect.

It''s easy to say and I know exactly how you feel - it just all seems to big to deal with. I drifted for years and years but now feel such a sense of relief. My journey isn''t over yet and it''s a financial disaster but I am beginning to find the real me (I''m 55!)

You will get so much support on here whatever you decide to do but, right now, you need to see yourself as your No.1 priority.

  • Regeneration
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04 Jul 12 #341055 by Regeneration
Reply from Regeneration
So sorry that you need to find yourself here, but you are in the right place for great advice and support.

I can only echo what the other posters have said. Its good to focus on your children but remember to treat yourself as well. Eat well - get plenty of rest, (probably easier said than done), exercise if possible - if just a walk - and spoil yourself once in a while too!!!

I am 15 months in , and still have good and bad days in equal numbers. It goes with the territory I''m afraid.

I have also tried my best to encourage my kids to maintain a strong relationship with my STBX and to keep on civil terms myself. So far this has worked out ok - although others have had much worse experiences I know.

Stay strong & take care!


  • NoWhereToTurnl
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04 Jul 12 #341058 by NoWhereToTurnl
Reply from NoWhereToTurnl
I was heavily pregnant (1983) when the ow my exh was having an affair with wrote to me. When I confronted him, he denied all of it until I produced the letter! Four weeks later I went into labour and delivered a stillbirth baby boy.

He swore it was all a mistake, that he loved me and begged another chance. Knowing what I do now, I should have walked away from him.

Fast forward to 2000 and 5yrs of utter hell until finally divorced May ''12. Leopards never change their spots!

I have a beautiful daughter from my marriage but now at retirement age I have an exh who still does anything in his power to turn my life upside down.

The writing was on the wall 29yrs ago when I would have been young enough to work anywhere in the world, just wish I had listened to my gut instinct.

Wishing you power and strength to keep going. x


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04 Jul 12 #341061 by Action
Reply from Action
Hi Nowheretoturn

Just wanted to send you a virtual hug. Your post made me cry. I can honestly say that there is always someone on here that has been through much worse than me!


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