Breadwinner wife with abusive househusband

My husband stopped working through his choice over 12 years ago. He then became the natural carer of our 3 children who are now aged 9,14 and 18. I have worked full time throughout our 22 year marriage. Over this time he has become more and more verbally abusive, lazy and is drinking more and more alcohol and I now want a divorce. I am worried that because he is the main carer and has "sacrificed" his career I will have to pay him maintenance and he will be entitled to the house as my rights would be the same as a typical husbands rights would be. Would this be the case or would it be a matter of me having to prove his abusive behaviour? If so would the children be asked to give evidence of his behaviour? I would love to hear from anyone in a similar situation to me.

Hi Workingwife.

Bad news I am afraid, yes it will be that your ex will be considered to have been an equal partner in the relationship and therefore as the lower income earner might be entitled to a larger share of the house etc.

Its my understanding that behaviour in the marriage is rarely considered when it come to asset sharing.

The law doesn''t discriminate. The value of any assets (including pensions) held in sole or joint names is shared according to a checklist of factors in s25 Matrimonial Causes Act 1973. Unless there is a reasonable amount of wealth the needs of the parties will come at the top or near the top of the list.

The priority is housing dependent children. If they are to live with your husband they will need adequate housing. Because his income is less than yours he won''t be able to raise the same amount of mortgage and is likely to need a larger share of the assets to leave him on a similar footing. Exactly how much depends on the particular facts.

The parent with the majority of care is entitled to claim child maintenance. Spouse maintenance not only depends on his need but your ability to pay. Someone on average or below average isn''t very likely to pay SM because when Child Benefits, CM and tax credits are taken into account there isn''t usually a big enough discrepancy in incomes.

Conduct is rarely taken into account in financial settlements but working potential is. So if your husband is aged less than about 50 he might reasonably be expected to retrain and seek employment.

Thanks for your answer. He is 52, so does this mean he will get away with never having to work again, while I fund his lazy, drinking lifestyle for ever? Will he automatically get custody of our 9 year old son as he is able to do the school run which my job does not allow me to do and therefore I would require childcare? Will he drinking habits be taken into account here? Thanks again

Hi,
There are probably plenty of men on this site who are in exactly the same situation as you.
However if any of them ever described their s2bx spouse in the way that you do they would, quite rightly be ripped apart so to speak.

Your husband has as many wives do looked after the children while you have persued your career.

LB

Cough, Cough! There are some women on this site that were in the similar position too.

Generally maintaining a child''s sense of security and bonds is seen in their best interests unless they aren''t surviving satisfactorily and it is an uphill struggle changing the existing status quo. So if your husband has stayed at home and is responsible for your 9 y o son whilst you work that is likely to continue.

Where the others want to live may have some bearing on things. Is the 18 yo staying on in education?

Yes, my daughter will be going to university and will definitely choose to live with me, as would also my 14 year old daughter.