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All this pain, and nobody to turn to.

  • JEFF54970
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07 Jul 12 #341780 by JEFF54970
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Thank you Mitchim, I honestly would not know what to do without your advice. I am going to be sensible, but everytime I look her in the eye I go to pieces, I thought I was the strong one, like others have said I am in shock, bewildered and confused. Thank you .

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07 Jul 12 #341791 by Now Gone From Wiki
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Jeff - I cannot offer much advice because I am in exactly the same place as you are right now, this moment.

There is an emptiness I have never felt in my life and a pain that is truly indescribable.

I agree with the comments about taking baby steps and if you wanted to connect and share the pain I am happy to be a friend to share with if you need one.

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07 Jul 12 #341822 by onedaymaybe
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Just wanted to add that you are not alone- I have no idea if this pain will ever go or the fog will lift but there seems to be an awful lot of us lost in it ((()))

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08 Jul 12 #341892 by revenge
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I still feel the pain and emptiness 15 months on. I look back on the last couple of years of our marriage and can now see the obvious changes in my husband. I realise now that he was actually doing all he could to detach himself from me and everyone else in our life, we actually thought something was wrong with him, I asked he said he was tired, understandably as we had been doing a lot of work on the home. I am devastated by what has happened and can''t believe he has decided to give our life together to someone else. Lots of holidays weekends away some of them to places we went to together. I am gutted that he didnt want to talk about it there was nothing to say he''d made his mind up he was leaving. I truly believe had he told me how he was feeling there would have been a chance for us to work things out, but he chose to have someone else to run to the night he left and told me they hadn''t had a relationship before he left me. This is not the husband I have been married to for 22 years he wouldn''t have done something like that,he was to honest and loving and reliable. He left and it was all my fault, he didn''t look at me that way anymore(what ever that is) I got him done, I could write a list of his reasons, I know now some of the things he says about me are true, but that is not why he left they were his excuses, because he wasn''t man enough to say he fancied a woman at work. I also see now that some of my behaviour was brought on by how he was being towards me. I have had so many people tell me how nice I look, it''s the best I''ve looked for years, I seem to be like my old self the list goes on, that has made me feel better, although I''d rather be feeling and looking like this with my husband by my side, I love him with all my heart and miss him so much but I know he''s not coming back, I cry every day but not for as long as I did in those frost 6 months. I should have listen to others and sorted finances out and focused on me, in the first months of him leaving but even now I focus more time thinking of him instead of deciding what I want. They to be one step ahead and be the one to take the bull by the horns, because to the person who leaves it is business not emotional. I keep telling myself IT WILL PASS even though it''s not what I want. Have a cry when you want to the more you get out the better you will feel.

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08 Jul 12 #341894 by revenge
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I still feel the pain and emptiness 15 months on. I look back on the last couple of years of our marriage and can now see the obvious changes in my husband. I realise now that he was actually doing all he could to detach himself from me and everyone else in our life, we actually thought something was wrong with him, I asked he said he was tired, understandably as we had been doing a lot of work on the home. I am devastated by what has happened and can''t believe he has decided to give our life together to someone else. Lots of holidays weekends away some of them to places we went to together. I am gutted that he didnt want to talk about it there was nothing to say he''d made his mind up he was leaving. I truly believe had he told me how he was feeling there would have been a chance for us to work things out, but he chose to have someone else to run to the night he left and told me they hadn''t had a relationship before he left me. This is not the husband I have been married to for 22 years he wouldn''t have done something like that,he was to honest and loving and reliable. He left and it was all my fault, he didn''t look at me that way anymore(what ever that is) I got him done, I could write a list of his reasons, I know now some of the things he says about me are true, but that is not why he left they were his excuses, because he wasn''t man enough to say he fancied a woman at work. I also see now that some of my behaviour was brought on by how he was being towards me. I have had so many people tell me how nice I look, it''s the best I''ve looked for years, I seem to be like my old self the list goes on, that has made me feel better, although I''d rather be feeling and looking like this with my husband by my side, I love him with all my heart and miss him so much but I know he''s not coming back, I cry every day but not for as long as I did in those frost 6 months. I should have listen to others and sorted finances out and focused on me, in the first months of him leaving but even now I focus more time thinking of him instead of deciding what I want. They to be one step ahead and be the one to take the bull by the horns, because to the person who leaves it is business not emotional. I keep telling myself IT WILL PASS even though it''s not what I want. Have a cry when you want to the more you get out the better you will feel.

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08 Jul 12 #341907 by raybird
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hello jeff, as you can see, every one of us completley understands, listen to the wise wikis, they ll get you through this take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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08 Jul 12 #341916 by leftwondering
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I love him with all my heart and miss him so much but I know he''s not coming back, I cry every day but not for as long as I did in those first 6 months.


revenge...but do you think you could really live with him again after all that has happened?
If he had to knock at the door tomorrow and say he was sorry, it was all a big mistake...could everything ever be OK again and back to normal?
Would your relationship ever be the same again now you know how he is capable of treating you?

I think once something as big as this happens then it can never be repaired.
It will always be there.

For the person you thought you knew doesn''t exist anymore.

But even knowing this doesn''t make the pain of loss in your heart go away any quicker, I will agree.

(Sorry to butt in on your thread Jeff, but I thought this was an pertinent point.)

LW

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