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A bit late - but better late than never.

  • DoMenHaveRights
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08 Jul 12 #341835 by DoMenHaveRights
Topic started by DoMenHaveRights

As the title suggests, perhaps I should have joined sooner, but better late than never.

I am a thirtysomething male, with two children and a wife (well eventually ex-wife)
who started divorce proceedings against me over two years ago.

She went for the easy route and cited unreasonable behaviour on my behalf for divorce reasons. On lengthy (and costly) discussions with my solicitor, they advised me that it would be against my interests not to contest the divorce, even though her application was full of mostly fabrications, or her exsadurations of the truth. they explained that on 90-95% of cases that the judge would side/favour the woman due to us having two young children together.
They advised agreeing to the divorce but not agreeing with the reasons of the divorce.
They said they would fight tooth and nail for me if I wished and contest it - but did warn me that I only had a 5-10% chance of winning, with the likeliness of me having a hefty bill for nothing.

Let me stress that I didn''t want or ask for the divorce, or wish to be separated from my two children.
I explored every avenue that I could to safe the marriage - via, family support, marriage guidance, relate, councilling etc,etc.

But she had made up her mind and wasn''t having any of it.

a couple of weeks later I received letters from her solicitors informing me of them starting divorce proceedings.

A few weeks later she began acting strange and I had a inkling that she was seeing somebody else. All the usual signs - keeping distance from me, going out and coming home in the early hours of the morning, receiving calls/texts at all hours of the day/night and very frequently. sleeping, eating, showering and going to the toilet with her mobile phone. Even if she was supervising one of the children and realised that had left her phone she would immediately stop and run to get her phone.

I questioned her on numerous occasions - but she regularly denied it. anyways give it a few more weeks and I got my evidence that she was in a relationship with another man.

She still pursistted to deny it and even lie to various family members (including hers) about it.

So I did my investigating to satisfy my own curiousity and got to find out facts and dates and other information to who she was seeing and when. A month passed when I was presented with the opportunity of introducing myself to her boyfriend.

I don''t believe that either my wife or her boyfriend knew who her boyfriend was and what he looked like. I also let quite a few other people know that I had just met my wife''s new boyfriend. This seemed to adjitate her new fella and his family and friends who actually attempted to assult me whilst I had one of my children in my arms and my wife looked on a few feet away.

I can accept the fact that she might have lost feelings fpr me, but she wasn''t even concerned about the welfare or safety of one of her children whilst the assult took place.
This made my mind up that me and her were finished and I moved out of the family home that day.

Since then over 2 years have passed.

We attended numerous mediation meetings to no avail, regularly forgetting important paperwork, cancelling meetings at the last moment, still denying that she was in a relationship and trying any other delay tactic she could. Then at one mediation meeting she suddenly announced that she had only just found out she was pregnant (she was actually 3 months gone) - I had known and informed my solicitors 6 weeks prior to this that I knew she was pregnant.

Now she started using the prenacy as another delay tactic in delaying the divorce proceedings. After 6 months of wasted mediation meetings - I then had to get my solicitors to instigate court proceedings.

Whilst I waited for this to start, the boyfriend started living at my house more frequently, all the time my wife is claiming single adult occupancy and working tax credits, child credits and child maintenance payments from myself. She hadn''t informed the social about her new boyfriend or baby on the way.

In September we get a court date for December. Her boyfriend appartantly lives at my house full-time now. In November they have a new child between them and she lives at the family matrimonial home with her new partner, our two children and her new child too.

She is still claiming Single Adult Occupancy, Council Tax Discount, Working Tax Credits, Child Tax Credits, My child maintenance Payments and her part-time wages giving her just over £2000 per month after tax. Plus her secret boyfriend earnings.

My wife got the December court date adjourned to late January the following year as she didn''t have all her paperwork and documents completed.

My solicitors asked for documented proof on her new boyfriends earnings, any capital interst he had, how much he paid to my wife in child maintenance for their one child, rental receipts or mortgage payments of where he was living if he wasn''t residing at the family matrimonial home. They also asked for bank statements showing my wife''s Working Tax Credit Payments - Council Tax Payments - Child Benefits, etc. But my solicitors received no repy after numerous attempts.

Then out of the blue one week before our court date my wife rings me up offering an out of court settlement. So this is drawn up and agreed by our solicitors to prevent our court appearance.

two months pass and my wife has done nothing - the court have received nothing and have relisted the court date for a day after the easter holidays. A day before the easter holidays my wife signs the agreed Consent Order and submits her paperwork to stop the court hearing.

Two weeks later the court inform my solicitors that my wife has not supplied all the necessary paperwork as the Statement of Fact is missing and they can''t inforce the Consent Order without this.

For 3 weeks my solicitors chase my wife''s for this to no avail. She even tells me to my face that she has no intention of signing it ever.

My solicitors ask the court to relist the hearing and also inform them that all the delays and mucking about has been done by wife and not me. They also send a letter the same to my wife''s solicitors informing them of what they have told the court and also tell them that if we have to attend court that we would be also be seeking a costs order against her. Amazingly within a week her solicitors inform mine that they have submitted the Statement of Fact to the court.

I am now awaiting for the court to review this information, in the hope that everything can be finalised and I can move on with my life like she has.

Here''s hoping it gets sorted out this year - I don''t want it to drag into year number three.

Fingers crossed.



  • onedaymaybe
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08 Jul 12 #341842 by onedaymaybe
Reply from onedaymaybe
wow that all seems so unfair.

Do you at least get some time with your children?

I''ve only been on here a few days but had lots of support- it''s a good place to be but sad to know so many people are going through these kinds of nightmares.
Take care

  • Margot123
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08 Jul 12 #341845 by Margot123
Reply from Margot123

I too is to new and no legal expert either to comment but posting just to say good luck and indeed, you will get lots of support here. Your situation sounds like a living nightmare, but from reading lots of posts on here, sadly, you are not alone...
Take care


  • Now Gone From Wiki
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08 Jul 12 #341852 by Now Gone From Wiki
Reply from Now Gone From Wiki
I read your story with dismay. I cannot believe how badly you have been treated. It does seem so unfair but shows that ultimately you will be better off with this woman out of your life for good. I am truly sorry that it has taken so long to achieve and hope that you find comfort soon.

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