A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


54 and on the shelf

  • wmorris2
  • wmorris2's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
16 Jul 12 #343629 by wmorris2
Reply from wmorris2
jakih wrote:

Yes, I''m pretending to him that I''m being strong, by coping on my own. He has wanted to leave for a long time but as I''m a depression sufferer he was scared to leave me. Eventually I realised that his unhappiness was getting me down so I just said go, now!
At first I did nothing but cry, then I realised that it wasn''t too bad living alone. All the arguments & silences stopped, and I could please myself what I did.
Now people think I''m ok & coping very well, but I am so desperately lonely.
I still see him regularly, he bought a house not far away, and wants us to remain friends. He even asked me out for our birthdays & wedding anniversary. I refused cos I couldn''t cope with sitting in a restaurant with him knowing he no longer wants me.


Well done you! x Your not "pretending" your on auto pilot so coping without realising. That;''s normal and is a first step towards healing!

My ex wanted to still sleep with me after she left, she eventually admitted she wanted a few more kids with the same dad. She was soon slung to the gutter. Can''t take the heart ache now let alone x2 again! :(

  • sprat
  • sprat's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
16 Jul 12 #343632 by sprat
Reply from sprat
but why do they mess with our minds, is it guilt? None of our family want anything to do with my husband & that makes me feel guilty, I don''t know why. It seems that I am making excuses for his bad behaviour, yet I''m the one who was hurt by him

  • wmorris2
  • wmorris2's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
17 Jul 12 #343650 by wmorris2
Reply from wmorris2
sprat wrote:

but why do they mess with our minds, is it guilt? None of our family want anything to do with my husband & that makes me feel guilty, I don''t know why. It seems that I am making excuses for his bad behaviour, yet I''m the one who was hurt by him


Then please take my advice and please don''t!

You need to get angry with him, I wallowed for a year and it got me depressed. One day I woke up and the first thing I thought was "**** ***" and never looked back on what happened.

Sorry to drum it in but your on your own now.. until you decide someone else deserves you (and you will, I know people in their 80''s dating)

  • freefalling
  • freefalling's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
17 Jul 12 #343658 by freefalling
Reply from freefalling
I agree with what all the others have said. And I send you virtual hugs. You are functioning on auto pilot as wmorris said and you are managing to get through each day and that in itself is a big achievement!

Please believe that your life isn''t over. Your marriage has failed but it doesn''t define who you are. There are many of us that have gone through this awful experience on this site and there are still many that are experiencing the emotions that you are dealing with now.

Unfortunately, there is no easy fix and the bottom line is, you can''t force someone to love you or stay with you. Use this site for support, we are here for you.

Take care....be strong.

  • Marshy_
  • Marshy_'s Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
17 Jul 12 #343668 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Hi Sprat.

sprat wrote:

but why do they mess with our minds, is it guilt?


I dont know is the simple answer. But there are lots of reasons why they do the things they do. I could never be so cruel to someone. But we are not all the same. And yr logic wont fit on his head. He is a person in his own right.

None of our family want anything to do with my husband & that makes me feel guilty, I don''t know why.


This is good. Its good that you have someone in yr corner. They are sticking up for you. So enjoy it while it lasts. But it wont stay like this. In time, they will be telling you that you should move on and so on. All very good. But its not as simple as that. And saying move on is one thing and doing it is another.

It seems that I am making excuses for his bad behaviour, yet I''m the one who was hurt by him


Yr sticking up for him. And thats natuaral and yr hurt when people say bad things about him. Again, only natural after 3 months. Thing is, yr head and yr heart are not in synch. And that takes some time to work itself out.

Lastly. You have said a couple of times in stuff that you have posted that you are happier that he is not around anymore. Just keep reinforcing this message and it will start to sink in that you are better off. I know you are scared of the future. But really, you have nothing to fear but fear itself. And the things that you thought will happen most probably wont happen. So just wait and see. I know you said that you thought that you would grow old together and that wont happen now. This just reinforces my point that they things you think will happen probably wont. But all is not lost. Its not as if somebody died and you have yr whole life ahead of you. Just take the baby steps and walk yr way out of this mess. One day, you will walk out into the sunshine and this will be all over. C.

  • sprat
  • sprat's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
17 Jul 12 #343860 by sprat
Reply from sprat
Thanks for all the advice guys. It really helps to know that what I''m feeling is what you''ve all gone through.
Just got back from hairdressers with a whole new look. My hairdresser was telling me about her divorce 11 years ago & how traumatic it was. Perhaps my own position is not as bad as I thought it was ! At least our mortgage is paid off & I have enough income to live on, and no small children at home to fight over.
Spending the day tomorrow looking after my two little grandaughters. I''m always happy when I''m with them - just wish they lived closer to me.
Have booked a holiday to Cyprus with my sister & 81 year old mother. It will be good to get away.
Hey-look at me being all positive for once:S

  • sun flower
  • sun flower's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
17 Jul 12 #343861 by sun flower
Reply from sun flower

Now people think I''m ok & coping very well, but I am so desperately lonely.


That''s exactly how I feel - Have a great holiday. Hope it does you good. sc

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11