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He went crazy!

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16 Jul 12 #343409 by headspinning
Topic started by headspinning
Hello,

Last week my husband went crazy and ended up smashing in my windows and doors and my 2 vehicles. He was arrested the 3rd time he came back to do more damage and is now out on bail but not staying here.

I am so confused, I have felt this building up over the last 2 months. He smokes ''weed'' during all his waking hours and has been acting very strangely, but the psychological assessment at the police station said he was ok.

I have been told he has gone back to his ex wife. We have been together 9 years and married nearly 5 years.

I have packed up his stuff and found information on divorce and solicitors hidden in a drawer.

I am worried about my house which is in my name as I was going through a council right to buy application before we lived together.

To be honest, I am worried about everything and my head is spinning as I never thought that this would happen to me in a million years.

I have no idea what to do and have been sat smoking cigarettes (which i gave up 10 years ago) for the last 5 days. I cant even go to work (and I run my own business)

Can anyone give me any advice please, I would be so grateful.

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16 Jul 12 #343443 by maisymoos
Reply from maisymoos
Sorry that you have the need to post, but glad you found us.

Things sound like they have happened very quickly.

Do you have children?

Do you feel that your marriage is irrepairable and over?

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16 Jul 12 #343448 by headspinning
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Thank you, I''m glad I found you too, I have no idea whats going on any more.

Yes things happened very quickly, but as I said, I have felt this ''brewing'' over the last 2 months as he hasn''t been himself.

We don''t have children together; I have 2 daughters who live with me and they are 20 and 23.

I love my husband but now am so scared and nervous, and finding the divorce info from Citizens Advice and the fact that he is now with his ex-wife and kids tells me the marriage is clearly over :(

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16 Jul 12 #343465 by maisymoos
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Try to take one step at a time. No harm though finding out where you may stand financially if this helps you get your head around things.

If you provide the following details wikis may be able to help more

Your ages
respective Incomes including benefits
All assets of marriage (eg. equity in any property, savings shares etc)
your pensions and values
Are your daughters in education or working?

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16 Jul 12 #343471 by headspinning
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OK, thank you

Well I am 42 and he is 51.
He has severe arthritis and I look after him. I come home from work a couple of times a day to prepare dinner etc. He gets Low Level Disability Allowance and Incapacity benefit around £550 a month all in. He doesn''t contribute to bills etc.
I earn around £20k a year to pay the mortgage and all bills. I owe 50k on the mortgage and its worth around 150k i guess.
We don''t have any pensions etc - we were going to sell up and leave the country at the end of this year, but obviously not now.
I own a business which has not been making money (apart from my wages) over the last 2 years - it has about £20k in the account; however, if the work does not get finished (and I am in no frame to do so) then the money will be refunded to customers, so there is nothing really.
One daughter works part-time and the other is unemployed.
Hope I haven''t waffled and I make sense?

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16 Jul 12 #343496 by maisymoos
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Hi Headspinning

Try and focus on your work your job is important. Is the 20k net or gross?

Housing needs will be the priority for you both, it seems at the moment both you are both housed. If he plans to move in permanently with his ex his housing needs would appear to be sorted, and in turn his outgoings reduced as there are two of them, does his ex work?

Has he raised the question of finances?

Don''t rush to do anything or panic I know this can be hard. At the moment you have one less mouth to feed and no longer have to fulfil the caring role, just sit tight and concentrate on looking after yourself now. Your ex has left the home that will work in your favour. The marriage is not long although cohabitation extends this.

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16 Jul 12 #343534 by headspinning
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Thanks for the reassurance, I really do appreciate it.
My wages - that''s 20k gross, believe it or not. The business went downhill over the last few years as i spend so much time caring for him.
Yes his ex works but she also has 4 kids under 18 and 3 are his.
He has said (in his madness whilst smashing up the vehicles) that he will take everything, so yes, he has mentioned finances.
I am going to the doctors tomorrow so that will be the more or less the first time out of the house in a week.
Thank you again

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