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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

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The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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  • taff45
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17 Jul 12 #343797 by taff45
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Hi Everyone

I am in a difficult place at the moment and this website seemed great as a place for sharing and support for and with others in a similar situation to me.

My situation is that after being together for 25 years, married for 19 and three teenage children later my husband, 7 weeks ago, told me he no longer loves me and wants an end to our marriage. I knew things weren''t particularly good with our relationship but I was completely shocked when he told me this.

So now I am in complete devastation. We have talke and worked through a lot but its looking like we are going to separate.

One of the hardest things is that normal life goes on around you whilst your whole world is in pieces.

  • NoWhereToTurnl
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17 Jul 12 #343801 by NoWhereToTurnl
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Welcome to wiki taff45,

I am sorry you find yourself here and understand what you are feeling at the moment. As you say we have all been there so the support you will get will help you work through things in your own time.

The most important priority at the moment is to look after yourself, give yourself time and take tiny steps in everything you do. Its really hard when everything around you goes on as normal, its like being stuck in your own nightmare with no respite.

Try to lean on your good friends, post on here, talk to people you trust and remember to eat little and often.

Sending you a big hug,
NWTT xx

  • maisymoos
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17 Jul 12 #343805 by maisymoos
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Hi Taff Welcome to wiki you have found a good place for support and help.

I understand exactly what you mean by the world carries on, separation and divorce can feel very much like a bereavement and you will in turn go through many of the same emotions. In the early stages really just focus on getting through each day at a time, concentrate on looking after yourself and try to eat.

Will your husband consider counselling? it will not necessarily fix things but can help you understand and cope with your feelings and emotions.

Many of us on here have been in exactly the same place as you are now, I can promise you it really will get better and you will not feel like this forever but the healing process and adjusting to a different life does take time.

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17 Jul 12 #343822 by taff45
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Thank you both for replying, its a big help and much appreciated. We have been to one counselling session and are supposed to go to another but don`t know if he will go. If he won`t I will find something for me - I`m going to need it.

I am trying to take care of me. Lost a stone and a half in 4 weeks, which i know isn`t healthy. And yes its definitely a grieving process. I lost my dad just over a year ago and these are similar feelings, only worse. I think I am now working my way to the anger phase.

This is the hardest thing I have gone through in my whole life. I am determined i have to get through and find a better place for myself and the children, but the getting there is soooo hard.

  • wammcl
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24 Jul 12 #345049 by wammcl
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Your situation is so much like mine. I too have 3 teenagers. I am 5 months in and it has got slightly better in the sense that I''m not crumbling in tears at my desk or to the kids all the time. The worst part is seeing that someone who you thought was always there for you and your rock, no longer is. I believe that he probably hasn''t been for quite some time - when I look back at the last few years, my stbx has been emotionally detached for much of those. The signs of other women were there all along really, but I just didn''t think he was like that...and still he denies it, despite what I''ve seen in texts and heard from others..

All I would say is, be prepared for things to come out....if you possibly can be. Mine sadi the same as yours and said he wanted a divorce for "financial independence" I "had spent all his money" (some money on credit cards for holidays and other stuff for kids and him -he wouldn''t come on holidays for the last 5 years - "too expensive and a waste of time".)I believed him. Now I know better - that has given me some strength. PM me if you''d like - we might have a lot in common. It does get better, slowly....but the weight loss for me has been great - down from 12 and a half to 10 stone - every cloud, eh?! You''re not alone. Big hugs and thinking of you xxx

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24 Jul 12 #345139 by taff45
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Hello wammcl

Your post means a a lot, thanks for reaching out. But sorry you are in the same boat as me. Has your ex moved out? I have to say another woman has emerged, although he adamantly says it is just a friendship, time will tell I suppose.

I can so relate to you when you say the person you thought was there for you is no longer, its like this stranger has taken his place.I too have lost weight, something I have battled to do for years which is great.

I would love to contact you but must admit to not being very good at this forum stuff and don`t know what using "PM" means / how to.

Take Care xx

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24 Jul 12 #345161 by leftwondering
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Taff...Big Hugs!

One of the hardest things is that normal life goes on around you whilst your whole world is in pieces


That''s one of the hardest things to cope with.

The night I came back from my father''s funeral I put on the TV and there were all these people screaming and laughing at a comedy show.

Life goes on for sure.

You can''t stop the clock.

homepages.wmich.edu/~cooneys/poems/auden.stop.html


How do you know that 3 years ago when you were happy and at the Supermarket checkout that the lady behind the till putting on a friendly face, that her partner had just walked out on her last week and left her with 3 kids?

It''s not the end.



LW

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