A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Love is an evolutionary emotion to ensure kids...?

  • thescientist
  • thescientist's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
20 Jul 12 #344384 by thescientist
Topic started by thescientist
I posted this in my blog, but will post it here as well..
I can''t help thinking that love is an evolutionary mechanism to make humans go crazy about a person and to ignore their quirks and faults long enough until the resulting offspring are old enough to fend for themselves. My evidence for this is realising after 8 years of marriage that my ex had some annoying habits, that under normal circumstances I would consider to be repulsive if I discovered the habits in a person I was not in love with (although, to be fair, I am certain that my ex would say the same thing about me!). My main evidence, however, is the fact that the average length of time for marriage (in Australia) is only 8.9 years!

  • downland
  • downland's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
20 Jul 12 #344393 by downland
Reply from downland
Ahh, but is there not scientific evidence that proves that the honeymoon period is something between 18months and 3 years, so even best case scenario that gives 5 and something years without rose tinted glasses. Maybe we only have time, after the honeymoon period is over, to look at our partner in life somewhat critically, when the offspring are older and more independent ........

  • leftwondering
  • leftwondering's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
20 Jul 12 #344407 by leftwondering
Reply from leftwondering
Pretty interesting theories there guys.
I''m sure it must work something like that anyway.

I think pairing and bonding tends to be a basic driving force in human culture.

When you think of those rock stars who can be with a different girl... (or girls) every night, they maybe do that for a year or so, but eventually end up settling down with a stable partner.
(I''ve never really heard of any girl who would want to sleep with a different boy every night...so that shows there must be a brain structure difference anyway)

A lot even want it to be more than a partnership, but a marriage.
Take McCartney for instance.
This will be his 3rd marriage.
Yet these guys don''t actually NEED to be married. So why do they do it?

Tom Jones still remains married to his first wife and I cannot believe (neither can she I bet) that he''s been a good boy and kept his pants on throughout all his career.

(Mind you, if she had to file for divorce, she''s gonna walk away with a PILE to be sure! LOL!)

Getting on a more serious note.
I think a lot of the devastation we all feel during a breakup is the loss of that bond or family unit.
Maybe even more than the actual person themselves...and that is why we cry and beg and try to make things OK again even though we know they are a heap of crap and treat us abominably?
We would NEVER let anybody else treat us a fraction as badly as they do.

It doesn''t hurt the cheater in the same way, because they think they have found another bond...but would maybe like to keep a bit of insurance on the side in case it doesn''t work out.

Interesting stuff anyway.

LW

  • jjones123
  • jjones123's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
20 Jul 12 #344408 by jjones123
Reply from jjones123
There''s a couple of TED talks on the subject of love which make for good listening. It was on one of those I heard the 18 month ''romantic love'' observation. The main talk I listened said that there''s three types of love: lust, romantic love, and attachment.

When it comes to attachment I think this is the type that we can develop for a partner and also have for our parents (or, perhaps, a best buddy we''ve had from childhood).

But then there''s also love for an imaginary deity... but religious belief can relates to community building which facilitates child rearing.

Certainly, I was ''blinded by love'' and wore rose tinted spectacles for just under a decade. But, after everything, I just know I''m going to end up with a better life. More fool her, so much the better for me. (I would have been blinded forever, but that''s because I chose to love, and I do believe that it can be a choice once we get through all the lust nonsense).

JJ

  • Yummy_Mummy
  • Yummy_Mummy's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
20 Jul 12 #344429 by Yummy_Mummy
Reply from Yummy_Mummy
Love certainly is evolutionary. It is based on morailty, ethics, assits on keeping boundaries - a bit like religion.

Or is it?

A prime emotion based on ''bond''associated with us humans who are complex and live within social structures - us humans, apes, chimps, elephants...

All this is great in theory and textbook but in reality it''s very different. Most people have different definitions of love and the difference is even greater between men and women.

But I am confused about love.
I can remember being hit by stbx and then him buying me flowers, saying sorry, telling me that he loved me so much.

I am still debating that perhaps that is not love.

If anyone finds out, Please let me know.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11