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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

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What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

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  • JustSuze
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24 Jul 12 #345057 by JustSuze
Topic started by JustSuze
I''ve just registered.
I''m planning to separate soon after 34 years of marriage ..it''s a long story! :blush:

I''m gonna need all the advice and guidance I can get and this community seems like just the place. I''ve read a couple of posts and it''s such a huge relief to find this sort of mutual support going on.

I''m gonna carry on reading when ever I can and prepare myself to face the music in October (don''t want to ruin a family holiday booked for September).

I''ve got about a million questions in mind about where and how to tell him, when to move out, legal advice, telling the family, finances etc etc. so would welcome any advice for somebody at the starting blocks.

I hope in time I can be some support and help to others in return.

Suze x

  • rubytuesday
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24 Jul 12 #345063 by rubytuesday
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Welcome to Wikivorce, Suze although Im sorry you find yourself here. It''s the community no-one actually wanted to join but very glad they did.

There are oodles of pages of information on the forum and in our resource library. Feel free to post any questions you may have here.

Our blogging area gives members the space to write about their journey from a personal perspective, and is a great source of support for everyone who uses it.

Our chatroom is open 24/7 and is a great place to meet others in "real time" and chat - not just about divorce either. Please feel free to pop in, you will be made very welcome.

Ruth

  • MrsSadness
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24 Jul 12 #345078 by MrsSadness
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Hi Suze - I am a relative newbie on here too, so just thought I would welcome you on here, since I was afforded the same courtesy. I think you will find this a very informative site, full of helpful people. Good luck with it all. Bye, Mrs S

  • pixy
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24 Jul 12 #345082 by pixy
Reply from pixy
Hi Suze and welcome. 18 months ago I was in exactly the same position - in my case hanging on so as not to ruin the family Christmas. I can safely say that it was probably the most stressful period of my life. So take care of yourself and take every opportunity to de-stress.

Can''t add anything to Ruby''s post except to say that you will find a whole load of new friends and masses of support here.

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24 Jul 12 #345118 by JustSuze
Reply from JustSuze
Hi, thanks for the reply.
Hope things are better for you now.
When you told him you wanted to split, did you move straight out?
I''m trying to figure whether I should have some alternative accommodation lined up ready.
I imagine living under the same roof once I''ve told him will be be hell, but I don''t want to surrender my half of the house etc by moving out.

I''m not sure how the law works around this.
Our kids are grown up and off hand, so there is no reason for either of us to walk away with more that the other I don''t think?

Suze x

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24 Jul 12 #345121 by pixy
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Similarly long marriage and adult children. I work, he doesn''t, so he''ll get slightly more than half.

I essentially told him it was his ow or me. Despite this it was still a surprise to him that I wanted to split - I''d offered to pay his rent if he went but he refused, so I went.

The standard advice is not to move out. I found it too stressful to stay and although I was iffy about it right up to the move, I felt the tension and stress start to lift when I walked into my new flat. I was lucky that I could afford to rent.

The downside is that I am not in a position to influence or encourage the sale of our house. It took ages to get him to put it up for sale (I didn''t want to push too hard as I was and am determined not to get into arguments and risk getting lawyers involved). For a long time he didn''t really want to accept that the house has to be sold; when I stopped contributing to bills the reality of maintaining a huge house finally hit. However the market in our area for big houses is dead, so it''s not selling anyway. I live in dread of running out of money and having to move back in.

  • WhiteRose
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24 Jul 12 #345122 by WhiteRose
Reply from WhiteRose
Hi Suze & I''ll add my welcome.

Just one thing I''ll mention is that you''ll be a lot further along the separation journey than he, so when you tell him, no matter how unhappy you both are, it may come as quite a shock to him.

All I''ll say is be honest & sensitive.

If you want it to end, don''t allow him to think its a ''trial separation'' or that you are unsure about your decision.

You will receive lots of support and advice here - there are many that have been in your shoes and some your husbands, so you''ll get both perspectives.

As for dividing your assets, after the initial shock has passed you will find its better (cheaper) to discuss this yourselves or via mediation rather than go through the Court process ............. but - one step at a time - first step is telling him.

Take care

WR x

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